Adventures with Japanese Horror: Ginuea Pig movies

 

Hello again, guys and ghouls. 

I hope you're all faring well during our current year of hell. We're officially past the halfway point, so now as we're slipping into a new season and potentially into oblivion, we can slow down officially now that the spring and summer season are fading into fall and winter. 

And since we're heading into fall you know what that means- Halloween. And of course Halloween means a lot of us are going to be watching more scary, spooky, creepy and ooky flicks. It comes with the territory- what better way to experience fear and horror from the safety of our homes than on our TV screens? Okay, and obviously I'm not referring to the real horror and fear on the news every day; this is a chance for us to distance ourselves from the actual real atrocities we are living through and venture into and come out of some temporarily threatening situations in a fictional reality and be totally A-OK because ultimately it's just a scary movie. 

I know it's still really early for Halloween, and I know I have been focusing on some spooky and disturbing movies for the past few months anyway. If I'm being completely honest I haven't really stopped trying to push myself into watching more and more disturbing films- I guess it's my new way of coping with the crippling existential dread that 2020 has given a lot of us. But I was thinking, why not start listing some stuff early? Why not share some interesting or gross titles with you guys before the big day so you have plenty of time to decide which movies to add to your Halloween-movie-marathon list? Anyway, that's the goal I'm going for here. 

So first we're going to focus on some great horror from Japan. I don't know if any of you have ever seen any Japanese horror or thriller movies, but honestly, they're probably some of my favorite horror flicks- they are more cerebral and foreboding than American horror, I would say. While American horror focuses on a lot of startling tactics, utilizing score and jump scares, Japanese horror tends to be more quiet, more reserved, and it always builds up to it's peak of fear instead of smacking the audience in the face with effects or surprises. 

Some of the most notable Japanese horror movies would definitely be Ju-On and Ringu; both titles have a fair amount of sequels and both of which have been adopted and remade in America as The Grudge and The Ring or Rings. The Death Note movies were also choice- the ones that actually came from Japan and not the one Netflix spat out to us a few years ago (for those of you who haven't seen it, don't. It's a waste of time). These flicks are really great, and I'm honestly a huge fan of  each of them and highly recommend checking them out, but there are so many more extremely creepy and disturbing films from the Land of the Rising Sun that more people should know about. Today, we're going to be talking about some pretty extreme titles- specifically, The Guinea Pig movies. 

**Warning! Warning! You are now entering the part of the blog that discusses potentially triggering topics such as mutilation, bodily fluids, torture, abduction, mental illness, etc. If any of these topics will cause you to stress out, have a panic attack or whatever, maybe consider not reading further. If you keep reading, hey- you've been warned. Don't at me. 

The Guinea Pig movies (ギニーピッグ, Ginī Piggu) are a series of films that came out in Japan in the 80's and early 90's. They all feature different stories, all of which are dark, twisted, and disturbing. If you're thinking that these movies involve adorable, cuddly rodents you are clearly reading the wrong blog and need to turn back now. The movies in this series call themselves "Guinea Pig" as their subject matter, production, and special effects are all of a purely experimental fashion. These movies are pretty intense in terms of gore- if you have a hard time stomaching a lot of violence and blood effects, these are some films you probably would have a hard time with. 

The Guinea Pig movie series has 6 movies in total- one title in particular has earned itself a cult following, which we will talk about later, but others don't seem to be as well-known, at least from what I've seen in my research and viewing. 

Years later, the Guinea Pig series would be picked up and essentially added-onto by the film production company Unearthed Films, where they released American Guinea Pig. I haven't watched any of these, and currently I'm not in a huge rush to watch them. Call me an elitist or a hipster, but I'm more interested in the original batch. 

For this blog, I've watched 5 of the films, one of which I couldn't find a good version of, so hopefully one day I'll finish the whole catalog, but as of right now we'll go with the 5 I did see. So strap yourselves in, kids. We're going to deep-dive into some of the most intense horror from the Land of the Rising Sun... 

The Devil's Experiment

The Devil's Experiment is the first in the series and honestly, I found it to be the most simultaneously boring, and jacked up of the films in the series, if that makes any sense. Essentially the film just focuses on some group of guys who have abducted a woman and they torture her a whole lot for, from what I could tell, unknown reasons. They spend the first like, 4 minutes of the movie slapping her. Most of the slaps looked thankfully like prat-slaps, so they didn't appear to actually connect with her face from the angle it was shot in. But later the camera changes angles and I'm pretty sure a few of the slaps actually connected with her cheek, and that bugged me a lot. Later they put her in a swivel chair and just spin her around and around until she vomits and passes out, which in watching it I was thinking sarcastically, "...Wow... that's some hardcore torture, fellas..." but the more I put myself in her shoes the less sarcastic I got about it. Then there's a period where they put some headphones on her head and play loud, ear-drum wrecking noises, and again, that was simultaneously disturbing and also boring because eventually, my mind tapped out and got more wrapped up in a game on my cellphone than watching something awful like that. Eventually it ramps up to them straight up inserting needles in her eyes, and that's where the movie got me freaking out. And eventually, from what I could tell, they just leave her for dead in the forest. That's it- that's the movie. 

This one was definitely the weakest film in terms of production quality, though how they pulled off those eye-effects is still a dang mystery to me- but this one like I said, was simultaneously dull and disturbing in my opinion (*note* I almost put "in my eyes", but I figured it was too soon...). If you want to challenge yourself, this is flick will definitely be just that, but honestly I didn't think this was all that great for many reasons, so don't beat yourself up if you decide to skip it. 

Flower of Flesh and Blood

Well well well- here we go with probably the most notorious of the films in the Guinea Pig series, Flower of Flesh and Blood.  This film is probably the most prolific in the series and as mentioned at the beginning of this blog, it has garnered a bit of a cult following among horror fans. Here's a fun bit of trivia for you- allegedly, once Charlie Sheen happened upon this movie, watched it, and was absolutely convinced this was a real-life snuff film, so he contacted the FBI to look into it. Oh boy, friends, we're in for a treat. 

Flowers of Flesh and Blood (ギニーピッグ2 血肉の華, Ginī Piggu 2: Chiniku no Hana) was directed by the legendary horror mangaka (manga artist) Hideshi Hino and focuses on a woman who one night gets abducted off of the street by some wacko who is dressed like a samurai. Samurai-guy then takes her to what I'm assuming is is home and proceeds to drug her, dismember her, ultimately murder her- all the while marveling over how beautiful the human body is when it's bleeding and getting chopped up. Then, for the finale we get a little tour and are shown what he does with the fun trophies he gets from his victims. Seriously, if you were expecting more of a story here, you'll be sadly let down- not many of these films are heavy in the story department, as they're usually only 40 minutes long.  But what this film lacks in overt storyline, it really made up for with its notoriety. The film was pretty much black listed because of its extreme depiction of gore, and is also allegedly influenced serial killer Tsutomu Miyazaki, who is known as the Otaku Killer. Isn't that fun, you guys? 

In terms of effects, some of them are disturbingly good- and a couple of them are seen in other movies in this series. Luckily though, they're not too good, because there are a few times were you can just tell the things on screen are fake, so hopefully none of you brave souls who end up watching this movie will think it's real. Just remember kids- it's all just a movie, it's all just a movie... 

Flower of Flesh and Blood is one that I find pretty scary, just because on of my biggest fears is getting abducted off the street and tortured, so in terms of a horror movie it does deliver a fright factor. This is also a fun film to challenge yourself with, or even see how far you and a group of friends can get into it. It's pretty intense, like we've discussed, but in terms of Japanese horror and gore, this is definitely a heavy hitter that has to be experienced at some point. 

He Never Dies

He Never Dies, or Shudder! The Man Who Never Dies (ギニーピッグ3 戦慄! 死なない男, Ginī Piggu 3: Senritsu! Shinanai Otoko) is probably my favorite film in this series. It honestly has a more dark-comedic tone than the other movies on the list, and while it does have some pretty gross imagery it's not that great, and there are a couple times in the movie you see some effect snafus. Basically, this film follows a Japanese guy who is fairly miserable- he has a rough time at work, possibly has insomnia and doesn't seem to have a whole lot of friends or anything. So one day, he's had enough and decides to commit suicide. After he has cut his wrists, he notices that no matter how much he bleeds out, he's not dying. So he tries to speed up the process, and does more extreme stuff to himself that should do that job, but he just won't die. Eventually, he chops himself up to the point he's just a goofy talking head on a coffee table- the end! 

Once you learn that the guy can't kill himself, the movie becomes increasingly predictable, but honestly in conjunction with the other movies in the series, this is a welcomed thing. He Never Dies doesn't take itself too seriously, and is well aware of it's gross-goofy plot and utilizes it well. It almost reminded me of a slightly more bloody version of Death Becomes Her, but much shorter and without any major conflict aside from his undiscovered indestructibility. This one is gross, and potentially triggering, so if you think you would be bothered with scenes of attempted suicide, steer clear of this one. But if you can handle it definitely check this one out- it was kind of fun. 

Android of Notre Dame

The copy of Android of Notre Dame (ギニーピッグ ノートルダムのアンドロイド, Ginī Piggu: Nōtorudamu no Andoroido) I found honestly didn't have the best subtitles, so I found myself lost to what was happening in the story because my Japanese isn't that strong. But it did seem like one I would probably like if I knew what the hell was being said. 

Essentially, from what I could tell, there's this scientist guy who is a little person, and he has a sister that seems like she's got consumption, and he is conducting experiments to try and revive corpses so he can be ready to bring his sister back if she dies- this part of the story seemed more like Frankenstein to me than anything in relation to The Hunchback of Notre Dame. The scientist guy does mention it, but the subtitles didn't actually show what he was saying in regards to it so I have no idea how it fits in with the overall story. Anyway, there's this other guy who is like, blackmailing the scientist guy or something, and he shows up to the scientist guys's house, gets his legs chopped off in a booby trap, and eventually kind of ends up like the guy from He Never Dies where he's essentially a talking head on a table. But then these experiments are done on him for... reasons... And eventually the scientist dude's sister dies, and he revives her, but then she gets mad at him for taking away from being at peace, and then she just dies again, and... that's about it. I think. Again, I'm not super sure. 

This one had a more classical horror feel to it- thanks to the whole mad scientist character and calling back to Frankenstein, as mentioned. I want to see if I can find another copy of this with better subtitles- this one did have some gore, especially in the scenes where he's attempting to revive corpses, but otherwise it seemed more story-driven than a lot of the other movies in the series. 

Mermaid in a Manhole

This is, oddly enough, probably one of my other favorite entries in this series. Mermaid in a Manhole (ギニーピッグ マンホールの中の人魚, Ginī Piggu: Manhōru no Naka no Ningyo) is the only other film in this series that was directed by Hideshi Hino himself. Also, I'm sure you noticed that this graphic and the graphic for Android of Notre Dame both are listed as being "Film #4"- fun fact, there has been some debate as to where this movie falls in the series, whether it's film 4 or 5. For the sake of the blog, I'm making the graphic say it's #4, and counting it via entry as #5. But I digress- moving on. 

This film tells the story of a painter who likes to spend time in the sewers near his house. One day he finds an actual mermaid in the sewer, and decides to sketch her. Soon however, the mermaid starts developing pustules on her body that cause her a lot of pain, so the painter decides to take her to his home and put her in a bathtub so he can finish painting her. The sores continue to spread, however, and soon start rupturing with multi-colored pus, which the artist uses to finish his painting. 

I'm personally a fan of Dr. Pimple Popper, so seeing cysts and whatnot expressed is one of my favorite things ever (yes, I'm one of those people), so I can't say I was personally bothered by the pus too much, but I know for some people that could be a little gross. There's also a pretty decent twist ending in this one, which kind of leaves you guessing- if you're a fan of that kind of thing this is definitely one to check out.  Also, while you do spend most of the film following around the artist and the mermaid, the story also gets punctuated by interactions with the artist's neighbors. They add a little bit of levity and clarity to an otherwise insane story, so I really appreciated the scenes with them. This one is pretty gross for sure, but I, personally, will probably re-watch it this Halloween. 

While watching these movies, I found a fun little making-of documentary that really took away some of the abject horror of some of the grosser scenes, but also really made me appreciate the actual work and artistry that went into making the movies. Maybe if you're curious but a bit on the squeamish side this could be worth checking out instead of the actual movies, but I feel like without seeing the movies first you wouldn't really get a lot of what's going on or being explained and displayed. 

Well guys and ghouls, that does it for the first part of the Adventures with Japanese Horror series. Next I'll be diving into and talking about some of my personal favorite Japanese horror films. These are scary, a little bit gross, but a lot less disgusting as the Guinea Pig series. I hope you found something enjoyable in this blog that is chronicling my slow descent into cinematic madness, and hopefully I've shared some titles with you that you would have never heard about otherwise. 

Take care everyone and I'll see you all again soon! 

Brain Breakers #3- HEAVYWEIGHT Category

What. In the world. Was. I. Thinking.

Well everyone, this is the final category in the Brain Breakers series. I'm going to be honest with you guys- I've re-written this post's opening paragraph no less than 5 times. While last post's films were disturbing to some extent, the films I'll be discussing today have gone beyond that. Obviously- that's how they were placed in the category they are in currently. These films have fully succeeded in breaking my brain; I've lost sleep, felt repulsed and like I was going to throw up, cringed, covered my eyes while saying "No, no, no, no, no" and have audibly asked myself "What the *$&@ am I watching...?! WHAT THE *$&@ AM I WATCHING?!" Obviously, this is something I chose to do, and only have myself to blame. However, having said that I did have to remind myself a couple times why I had decided to do this whole film-viewing series. I will say I definitely achieved my intended goal- quarantine has become a lot more bearable, and I can definitely see the positives in my quiet, non-atrocity filled life. These films kind of put things in perspective in a really weird kind of way....

As mentioned on my Brain Breaker announcement post, I got the idea to do this because I had stumbled upon a video on YouTube discussing videos that can distract us from the scary awful world we all live in currently. All of these films I have only ever  heard of from May on the YouTube channel "Nyx Fears", so I want to give her full credit for even getting me started on this weird cinematic trip. Without her video discussing movies you shouldn't watch under any circumstance I wouldn't be here today telling you guys about these flicks. Again, if you've liked any of the films discussed so far, I would suggest subscribing to Nyx Fears as May is amazing and discusses films that are similar to this in really cool, relatable and analytical ways. May- if you ever see this, you rock!

Moving on. Below I will be discussing three hard-to-watch films; Enter the Void, Antichrist,  and Visitor Q.  As stated in the above disclaimer, there will be a lot of spoilers ahead as I honestly don't see a way to discuss some of the things in these movies and properly convey why exactly they were so shocking and brain-breaking. These movies aren't without artistic merit, though; being shocking does not immediately make a movie "bad"- and honestly I can say that these films all challenged me in different ways as a viewer and will inevitably affect how I will view film moving forward. Now that that's out of the way- let's get to the task at hand. Put on your big kid pants, everyone. This is where it gets real.

Enter the Void is a film directed by Gaspar Noe that follows the story of a man named Oscar who is currently living in Tokyo and is dealing and drugs around the city, as well as using them. In the film Oscar, while delivering some of his wares, is ratted out to the police by a friend he'd had a conflict with. Oscar hides in a nearby bathroom in a night club called "The Void" while the police order him to open to door. During the conflict Oscar is subsequently shot and dies. The film at that point follows his spirit as it moves through the present, his past traumas, and eventually moves to reincarnation.  But one very important thing to note about this film- it's all shot in 1st person point-of-view; so you, the viewer, are seeing literally everything from Oscar's point of view. You witness everything- even when Oscar's past is reflected upon you see everything right behind Oscar's head much like that of an out-of-body experience. So that really makes things beyond disturbing in themselves. 

Now, before I get too into the film itself, let's talk about Tibetan Buddhism and psychedelic drugs for a second. These two things have a huge impact on the story; these topics are explained via exposition in the early scenes of the movie, but I thought for the sake of the blog I would touch on them here as well. The movie actually starts off with Oscar smoking and tripping on a psychedelic drug called D.M.T. D.M.T, or N-Dimethyltryptamine is a hallucinogenic tryptamine drug. It is a white crystalline powder, and sometimes a resin. It is typically smoked and creates a strong psychedelic experience that lasts for short periods of time, typically anywhere between 5 to 50 minutes on average. On the street it's also known as Business Man's Trip for its short tripping duration versus other psychedelics that cause significantly longer psychedelic experiences that can last for hours. D.M.T. is naturally produced by various animals and plants, and it's even speculated that the human pineal gland secretes it, and releases it when a human is dying.

What does any of that have to do with Tibetan Buddhism, though? Well, as Oscar is tripping on D.M.T., his friend Alex comes over and accompanies him to The Void. While the pair are walking to the club, Oscar and Alex talk about a book that Alex had recently loaned to Oscar; The Tibetan Buddhist Book of the Dead. Alex explains that the book details what the Tibetan Buddhists believe happens to a person's soul after they die; first a person's spirit can see things going on around itself as it's out of the body. Then, the spirit will start to relive past traumas and it could revisit the same traumas repeatedly if necessary. Then there's a period where the spirit sees everything around it covered in vibrant, bright lights; this is apparently the phase that most spirits don't want to leave because it's so beautiful. Then the spirit will be drawn to people who are in the act of making love. According to the book a bright yellow light is emitted from the couple's groin area- the light of combining sacral chakras is what draws spirits in. At that point the spirit can choose which couple it wants to be reborn to as a baby, and the spirit will inherit a whole new life.

Those two factors literally are the hinges the movie hangs on, and it is explored and experienced entirely. While other things do happen that also further the story of Oscar's loved ones and how they cope with his death, literally everything Alex explains in the beginning of the film comes to fruition as you, the viewer, travel through this weird afterlife experience.  

This film obviously features death and different opinions of what happens after a person dies, and that alone can raise some hairs. Also, the graphic sex scenes are plentiful in this film. You get to even see the act of love making from the inside: try to use your imagination to pick up what I'm describing. Chances are you know exactly what I'm talking about. Also, I can say without a shred of doubt this film features probably one of the most accurate visuals on what it's like to have a psychedelic trip. That said, one thing I wish I had paid attention to before starting the film: it is LONG. I wish I had looked at the duration before I got sucked into the story, I'll tell you that. It clocks in at a little over 3 hours, so be prepared to be on this ride for a while. In addition to the duration, the entrancing use of psychedelic imagery, first person perspective, haunting memories of past experiences and more- this is a film that definitely makes an impression and will draw anyone in. It's not just a film, but an experience, and it's brave enough to explore a question that every person has asked at some point in their life; what happens when you die?  If you feel brave enough to see this director's interpretation of the answer, I say go for it. The film is well made, well shot, well acted and will keep you drawn in- even through all of it's craziness. But if you'd prefer to skip on having a cinematic out-of-body-experience, this movie isn't one you would enjoy. 

Next up is Lars von Trier's Antichrist. This film follows the story of a man and his wife. One day while the couple is making love, their 2 year old son Nic falls from a window in their home and dies. The wife becomes consumed with grief and anxiety and her husband who is a psychologist attempts to help her cope with the death of their son. The two travel out of town to a secluded cabin in an area called Eden; a location the she had been to previously with her son as a getaway while she worked on her thesis about gynocide. Lovely stuff all around... 

 While in Eden the wife battles with her internal demons, and the husband starts to see strange things in the woods surrounding their cabin. First he sees a deer with a stillborn fetus hanging from its posterior. Next, he sees a fox disembowling itself, and the creature speaks and tells him "Chaos reigns". Eventually, he digs deeper into his wife's activities she had partaken in the last time she was in Eden. He finds that she had slowly slipped into madness, and eventually began to believe that women are born inherently evil. He is angered at his wife's new-found beliefs, but it's too late. The wife eventually snaps, and after forcing herself on him sexually, she knocks her husband into unconsciousness by way of an extremely harsh blow to his groin with a block of wood. And I don't mean a hard hit to his jewels, I mean it's bad enough that she starts to jack him off after he's passed out and he ejaculates blood. Graphic, I know. I told you this post was going to be shocking. 

She then drills a hole in his calf, and attaches a grinding stone to his leg so he can't get away when he regains consciousness. The husband does try to escape, and is able to drag himself into a foxhole in the forest. There he finds a crow that starts jumping around and squawking, giving away his location. The wife hunts him down, and eventually is able to get him back to the cabin. Eventually they get the stone off of his leg, and after a scuffle with his wife, he strangles her to death, burns her and the cabin down, and escapes into the woods. 

Now, I know I gave away some pretty hefty pieces of info for this movie, but there's still so much to is. I have only watched it once, but I really would be willing to bet money that this movie is one that can be watched multiple times and you'll find something new every time. The film is beautiful to watch- is it graphic and gruesome? Yes, 100%. But the director's use of lighting, setting, color, tone, frame rate and more makes for a visually beautiful piece of macabre art. Honestly, I would suggest watching it just for the haunting beauty in some of the scenes. In terms of film being a visual art, von Trier definitely does utilize it well. Since its release in the late 2000's, Antichrist has become notorious for... well, pretty much everything in it. And I totally get why- it's something that hurts to watch from beginning to end. But if you are up for the challenge, I do really recommend giving this one a shot. Speaking of shots, you may need some if you do decide to watch this- make sure you're prepared before hand! 

"Oh shit friends, it's Visitor Q." - May, Nyx Fears. 

This fucking movie.... 

I can say without a shadow of a doubt, this is one of the most disgusting, distrubing and insane movies I've ever seen in my life. Even out of all of the films I've discussed, and after viewing the other two on this list Visitor Q is the crown jewel of the depraved movies I've seen as of late. 

This movie, directed by Takashi Miike, was a direct to DVD release and has since become one of the most notoriously fucked up films ever to be created. And this isn't surprising if you're at all familiar with Miike's other films. I've only ever seen one of this other movies, and that is Audition, which I feel is probably one of the best Japanese horror movies I've seen. And that's from a perspective of having seen classics like Ju On and Ringu- both of which are prolific in terms of being well known on the horror circut. They even eventually were remade into major Hollywood blockbusters calle The Grudge and The Ring. I doubt we will ever see a reboot of Audition however, as it's thorougly creepy, distubring and horrific, and let's be real- lightning doesn't strike twice in the case of horror remakes. 

Having said that, Visitor Q, while it's credited as a "drama/ comedy"- I feel like both of those genres are used loosely. This film features incest, family abuse, drug abuse, prostitution, rape, murder, necrophilia and lactation sex. Yeah. All of that is in there. I have agonized pretty much all night and day for how to write about this movie, but honestly, I don't even know where to start. The movie is beyond fucked. 

The movie follows a family in Japan- the first scene focuses on the family's father having sex with his prostitute daughter. Later, he gets knocked out by a stranger who hits him in the head with a large rock for no apparent reason. Later the stranger joins the family in their home for dinner. The mother of the family gets beaten by her angry son who hits her brutally with a rug beater, leaving huge welts all over her body. The son also destroys the house by throwing objects through walls and windows. Then we learn that the mother is also addicted to heroin, and works as a BDSM prostitute on the side. Later, the father notices his son being bullied mercilessly, and this prompts him to record it on his digital camera as he's a news personality and he wants to make a story about it for syndecation. While all of this is going on, the stranger who hit the father with a rock is living with the family. This is Visitor Q. He doesn't say much, but him living with the family brings about positive changes. And what would those changes be, exactly? Well, let me tell you!!

First he introduces the mother to lactation sex. For those who don't know, that's the act of literally applying pressure to a woman's nipples by way of squeezing or suckling hard enough to produce milk, and the woman derives sexual gratification from it. After making a huge milky mess in the house, the mother starts to display more confidence at home and with her son; even going to far as throwing a knife at his head when he starts to try and abuse her. She misses, but the point has been made. 

He also helps the father! The father convinces his anchorwoman coworker to help him report on the bullying his son is experiencing. One day, the father, the coworker and Visitor Q are all in the father's car, watching and recording the son getting bullied again. The coworker eventually says it's stupid and doesn't want to do it, and the father gets angry, chases her down as she's leaving, rapes her and accidentally kills her. He then loads her body up in his car and takes her back to his house to cut her up and dispose of the body. While he's marking what areas to cut, he decides to have sex with her dead body.  While this is going on, the wife is showing off her new milking skills for Visitor Q inside, and literally turns the floor into a wading pool of breast milk and vaginal squirting on the floor. 

We cut back to the father who is still going to town and while he's having sex her body starts to move into rigor mortis and he gets his penis stuck inside of her. His wife has to help him get out by way of giving him heroin. Isn't this lovely? What a funny comedy, right? 

There's more that happens in this movie, but honestly do you REALLY want to know more?? Honestly I wasn't even sure I was going to talk about all of that because it's just too messed up. But this is why this movie is a hard-mode flick. It's hard to get through, hard to find, hard to stomach-- out of all of the movies I've watched this is the one that really took a lot out of me. I honestly can't say I would recommend this film for anyone for any reason outside of a dare. I would say in terms of Visitor Q I would put this on par with shock videos like 2 Girls One Cup, or Two Kids in a Sandbox but this one is decidedly longer. 

Well, there you have it folks. I've successfully and sufficient shattered my mind and seared my retinas with images that I won't soon be forgetting, and some I really would rather bleach from my memory all together. I'm looking at you, Visitor Q.  All in all, I've honestly kind of enjoyed this whole process- it's been nice to take my focus off of the horror that is COVID-19 and focus on imaginary horrors in its place. I hope that I've also inspired you guys into trying different films that you've either never heard of, or films that challenge you as a viewer. 

Brain Breakers #2- MIDDLEWEIGHT Category

Things are getting fun now, everyone...!

Alright, so in this newest installment of the Brain Breakers film-viewing series we're diving into the Middleweight category. The films featured here are of a higher quality than the films we explored in the Lightweight category; they have more cinematic and critical merit but also have clout in terms of their reputations. These films, while some are more known than others, are worth taking note of for various reasons, be it the plot, their contribution to cinema as an art form or their ability to challenge the viewer to think outside the box in terms of what is considered humorous, deep, or riviting. Also, they're pretty fun to show to friends to see their reactions- you know; for kicks. Now, on to the films!

First on this list is probably the more well-known film in this category and that is David Lynch's surreal horror classic Eraserhead. Now, in choosing the films in this category I was looking for films that could evoke a certain reaction from the viewer, and that would be one of shock, disgust, possibly fear and a feeling of "...wtf?"  And while Eraserhead fits ALL of those criteria I would say that this film is honestly so much more than all of that. For anyone who knows anything about film and film history, they can tell you that this flick has influenced cinema in some really impressive ways and honestly deserves a blog all on it's own just to cover everything. I didn't want to go in too deep on all of that in this blog, however, because it would literally dominate the entire post and leave little room to discuss the other two films. Just know going into this blog that Eraserhead has a lot of history and information attached to it. Moving on.

The story follows Henry (Jack Nance), a quiet man who one day unexpectedly finds himself thrown into marriage and fatherhood. That's pretty exciting, right? Wrong-o, my friends. The movie starts off with Henry going to visit his sweetheart Mary, who he hasn't seen in a while. After having an incredibly awkward and horrific dinner with his baby-mama's family (bleeding, moving, miniature

Henry spending time with his... baby.

poultry anyone?), and an even more uncomfortable interrogation from Mary's mother we learn that Henry and Mary had been intimate at some point in the past, thus blessing them with a baby. However, we also learn that the baby is "premature" according to Mary's mother, while Mary; who is clearly distressed- is quick to say that doctors aren't sure what's "wrong" with the baby. Mary's mother states that the two must be married immediately, and that night Mary and the baby spend the night at Henry's tiny apartment.

We learn quickly that there is  indeed something very wrong with the baby- it's deformed, resembling some form of an animal. It refuses to eat and it cries incessantly which leads Mary to have a mental breakdown and she leaves the baby in the care of its father.

Now, that's probably the clearest I can describe the plot, but that is leaving a LOT out. It doesn't cover much of what transpires in the film. But let's be real- this is a David Lynch movie; there's ALWAYS a lot going on. If you're not aware of who David Lynch is or his directing style he's notorious for using strange imagery and abstract visuals or intensely odd acting to lead his films forward all of which Eraserhead is LOADED with. I haven't discussed the Man in the Planet, The Girl Who Lives Behind The Radiator, the very strong male-potency imagery and the giant worms/sperm that make appearances through the rest of the movie. Seriously- this flick is wild and very unsettling in the things you will see. I really feel like I'm rushing this part of the blog, but really there's no way to describe much of what this movie covers without taking up a huge chunk of space- this is something that really should be witnessed so you can draw your own conclusions. This is a film that will really make you think while it's creeping you out completely- if that sounds like something you want to challenge yourself with, Honey, this is a flick for you.

Next on our list is an animated film known as Felidae which is based on a book of the same name. This film comes from Germany, and is to date one of the most expensive animated films to be made there. This film is probably the most deceptive movie in this category because the animation is really well done and resembles something that could have easily been put out by the likes of animation studios like Ambelin or Warner Brothers in terms of artistic style. An animated movie featuring talking animals; kitty cats in particular? How can that be deceptive? My response: heh, lol.

Felidae is a movie that is narrated by the main character, Francis, a cat who is moving into a new neighborhood with his owner. Upon arriving in his new home, Francis goes exploring around the house and finds his way outside. There he sees a rough-looking cat who is intently looking at something in the back yard. As he approaches the strange cat, Francis notices what the other is checking out- there is a third cat on the lawn; however this one is lying dead, its throat clearly slashed. We're only a few minutes into this movie and we've already got gruesome animated-cat murder on our hands! Buckle up, fam- this ride is about to get bumpy.  As more and more cats turn up brutally murdered in the neighborhood it's up to Francis to figure out what connects all of the murders in time to save lives before the murderer can strike again.

Francis discussing clues with a lead.

Felidae, despite being an animated movie about cats, is actually a really gritty, brutal and gruesome who-done-it style slasher mystery. While it is highly upsetting in terms of gore on the screen, the story remains intriguing and while there are some odd dream sequences that can be rather horrific and off-putting at times, this movie is a really good  murder mystery. Francis the cat, as you learn, is actually incredibly perceptive and has an eye for solving crimes. He's basically what the Great Mouse Detective wishes he could be.

This movie never got a release in the US- possibly due to it's graphic scenes of murder, harm to animated animals, sex, ritualistic cult suicide and animal vivisection. Yes- all of those things are in this film. However, the film, which was released in 1994, was distributed on VHS and Laserdisc; the latter of which featured an English dub, which was ripped and eventually found its way onto YouTube. As of right now this is the only place (at least that I'm aware of) that you can find the film in it's English-dubbed entirety. Obviously, this movie comes with a disclaimer- if you have a hard time watching those ASPCA commercials, this movie is definitely going to jack you up. Having said that, I myself am an animal lover, and while the scenes of horrible things happening to animated cats IS highly disturbing and hard to watch it really does add to the story; it makes solving the crime more urgent and imperative- something that off-screen death could never accomplish. And while it is really hard to see that stuff, it totally drags you into this twisted story and will leave a lasting impression on you for better or worse. Honestly, if you think you can stomach it, I highly recommend this film, especially if you like (literal) cat-and-mouse crime stories and race-against-the-clock mystery.

Okay guys- time to lighten this list up a tiny bit. The last movie in the Middleweight category is a movie that I only recently learned about (thanks again, May from Nyx Fears!) and I effing LOVE IT. It's a dark horror-comedy called The Greasy Strangler and it is, as of right now, one of the most quirky, awkward, gross and hilarious movies I've seen in a long time. The way I would describe this movie would be if Taika Waititi's Eagle vs. Shark had a love child with Napoleon Dynamite, and that child grew up on a steady diet of cheesy crime shows, porn and oil. Let's dig in, shall we?

Big Ronnie and Big Braydon leading
a disco tour. 

The Greasy Strangler follows father Big Ronnie and his son Big Braydon. Braydon and Ronnie live together and have a disco tour that Big Ronnie leads. One day after a tour, Braydon meets a woman by the name of Janet. The two quickly start a relationship that leads to Ronnie getting jealous of the pair. Ronnie, we learn, has a horrible secret- he's a serial killer who is called The Greasy Strangler. Before he commits a murder he covers himself with grease and then goes on the prowl for his victims.

As the story progresses, both father and son become fond of Janet, and they eventually compete with one another over her.

The plot on it's own sounds really odd, but I'll tell you, when you factor in the ridiculously strange soundtrack, the quirky humor, the ridiculous sex scenes and over the top full frontal nudity (I'm honestly not sure if the genitalia is fake or not...), you have all of the ingredients for an extremely weird dark comedy that will leave you asking "...seriously, what the hell did I just watch...?" I don't want to give away too much of the story, gags, kills or anything because they really are good for a laugh if dark comedy is your thing. Seriously- it's so awkward it's worth watching just to see how weird it gets. And it gets weird- it's beautifully weird and cringy and I love it.



Well friends, that concludes this portion of the Brain Breaker series. Next up is the really concerning titles. We're moving into the Heavyweight category and I'm going to be real- I'm a little nervous as to what I'm getting myself into on this one, fam. But I've come this far- there's no going back now.

As I mentioned in the previous entry, I did have to make some substitutions for films in this category. I couldn't find Pink Flamingos anywhere, so that will be substituted with a film called Into the Void. However, a A BIG thank you needs to go out to a friend of mine who found a copy of Visitor Q-  I almost had to substitute that one out, which made me sad because I hear this one is especially brutal but the day was saved. Thank you, movie friend! Your contribution is highly appreciated- you know who you are! The other film I'll be watching is Antichrist; from what I understand this one is gonna leave a mark.

Anyway, that's all for now. Thank you all so much for reading and I'll see you on the other side of this mental-torture. Pray for me.

Guess Who's Back

Well… Long time no see everyone. 

     Thanks to our good friend the ‘Rona I, like everyone else on the planet, am hunkering down 
in my apartment the best I can to avoid getting sick or being around other people, and I am 
running out of things to do. Of course I’m active on social media- ridiculously active, to be 
honest; and I’m doing other things to stay busy like tidying and cleaning, crafting face masks, 
and all that jazz. But despite all of that I’m finding myself further and further in the throws of 
boredom and abject dread because of the state of the world. So what better way to distract 
myself from everything awfulin life than watch movies that are awful in their own special 
ways? 

     I came up with the idea from watching YouTube- I stumbled on to a channel called “Nyx 
Fears” that features a video entitled “movies no one should ever watch under any 
circumstances”. I have since fallen in love with this channel as well as May, the wonderful 
vlogger who shares all sorts of cool things with her viewers and highly recommend it to other 
people who dig different types of cinema and are interested in learning about some flicks 
that are definitely outside the box. Follow this link to her channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/BrutalMovieReview

So, since I was feeling inspired by this video, and curious about some of the titles that are discussed, and I was intrigued by the thought of distracting myself from everything awful going on in the world right now with things that are either so bad they’re good, strange and unusual, or straight up disturbing that it will break me on such a level that the world seems a lot less horrible. So that’s what I’m going to be focusing on- movies that will distract myself and hopefully others from our current reality. The upcoming series will be called “Brain Breakers” and I’ve split up the films I’ll be watching into 3 categories named after the unified weight classes in MMA because let’s face it- after this my mind will have taken a beating. 

Before I list the classes and the intended movies that I’ll be viewing, just know that these 
could change depending on film availability. Thanks to the Internet most, if not all, should be 
easy enough to procure, but the more heavy and obscure we get, the harder it will be to 
guarantee that I’ll be able to find some of them. Now, on to the movie list!

Class 1: Lightweight- 
Movies in this category will be on the lighter-side of viewing (like you couldn’t already tell). 
These films will be notoriously cheesy, low-budget gems that have been discussed at length 
from other critics and film junkies. I’m playing it safe in this category, folks. The movies I have 
planned for this weight class are: 

Class 2: Middleweight- 
These films are a little more obscure, and a lot more graphic and disturbing.
This is where the rubber hits the road, my friends. 

Class 3: Heavyweight- 
Okay, this is where I will be treading into really uncomfortable and brain-breaking territory. 
The films that I (currently) have planned have a reputation for being very alarming. In talking
about these films, I honestly don’t expect any of you to follow me down this rabbit hole as it’s 
going to get messy. These films are taboo for a reason, after all. 

As I mentioned before, some of these titles; especially the ones in the Heavyweight 
category could change- I do have a list of alternate films to pop into their places if I can’t find a 
copy of them anywhere. Also, just for the sake of playing it safe NONE of these films are 
family friendly for multiple reasons, so don't think your 8 year old can join you in watching 
"Felidae" or any of these flicks, assuming you get curious and want to see what all the fuss is 
about.

Anyway, having said all of that, be expecting reviews from the Lightweight class within the 
next week or so. Let’s get broken, fellas!

"The Emoji Movie" film review

 

 

 

I know I am late to the party in regards to writing about "The Emojii Movie". I know the internet and multiple film and media critics took their turns ripping this film apart. Really, there is nothing new I can add what has already been said.

 

Having said that, I feel that if members of the average movie-going crowd are displeased with what big budget studios are releasing, it's up to us to say it's garbage. We all know critics get a bad rap among typical movie-goers, as there seems to be a divide in what critics see as praise worthy or condemnable, versus what the masses see. It was the same story with movies like "Suicide Squad", "Batman V. Superman", "American Sniper" and others. So it's our job as patrons of film and media to voice our opinions and make them known so that maybe the studios will take notice and stop or continue making the types of film we want (or don't want) to see.

 

 

And now is my turn to voice my opinion. "The Emoji Movie" is completely harmless, but it is also utter garbage.

 

Released on July 28th, 2017 from Sony Pictures Animation "The Emoji Movie" tells the story of Gene (played by T.J. Miller), the Meh emoji who lives in the city of "Textopolis", which is located in the smart phone of a high school freshman named Alex. Gene explains through expositional narration that an emoji's job is to maintain one and only one emotion. So the crying emoji is always crying even when he's happy, the laughing emoji always laughs even if he's in pain, and vice versa. So, Gene's job is to portray only a feeling of apathy in order to do his job and fit in with the other emojis. However, Gene has multiple expressions and emotions therefore making him the token "misfit" character.  During his first day on the job Gene is selected by Alex to be sent in a text to a girl he is attracted to; but instead of being only "meh" Gene shows too many emotions at once and doesn't convey the proper emotion. The main antagonist of the film, a smiling emoji named "Smiler" (played by Maya Rudolph) finds out about Gene's emotional breakdown and decides to have him deleted in order to protect the order within Textopolis.

 

Gene decides to try and find a hacker who can make him be a normal Meh face, so he can be a normal emoji and be able to perform his job. He teams up with Hi-5 (James Cordon), the obligatory funny fat side character who is obsessed with being a popular emoji again, and they take off for a trip through the multiple apps on Alex's phone (all of which are their own little worlds) in order to find the hacker. They find what/who they're looking for in the "Piracy App" (which is a thing, apparently) in the character of Jail Break (Anna Ferris). She joins the party on their mission, while they are being hunted down by Smiler's "bots" who are set to seek and destroy Gene.

 

Ultimately by the end of the movie you find out Jail Break is actually a princess emoji who wants to be her own person, and not what she actually is, it's revealed that Gene's father is also capable of displaying other emotions like Gene, Gene learns to accept himself, everyone is happy and has a dance party….. The end.

 

 

I really don't know where to start with this film. While it is fairly harmless in the way of children's movies and acts like a cinematic set of keys being jingled in their faces for and hour and 30 minutes, I still feel that this movie is something that no one really wanted, didn't care when it came out, and thankfully will be forgotten over the years as it is beyond bland and forgettable.

 

Generally speaking, that is enough. The fact that "The Emoji Movie" is so basic and uninspired that it will easily be forgotten in minimum 3 years is enough for me. But this sort of blatant selling out and product placement is what is wrong with films in general these days, and that is all the reason in the world to speak up about it. Film and motion pictures are types of art, and should be treated as such. Let's compare film to literature for a second. Some films can be revered on the same level of greatness as famous works of literature, while there are movies that are as memorable as a favorite nursery rhyme or children's story; not as grand or as epic, but they tell a story and convey it in a way that stays with the reader/viewer forever. Then you have films like "The Emoji Movie" which are comparable to sales adds for Walmart. Lots of bright pretty colors, identifiable brands, it pulls you in enough so you look but you will literally forget about it after you throw it in your garbage can.

 

The plot of this movie is unapologetically dull and forced, none of the characters are interesting enough to have the audience actually care about them,  the central plot has been done much better in other films ("Inside Out" and "Wreck It Ralph" come to mind), the jokes are one note and unfunny… It's not the worst or most offensive film I've seen, but the fact that movies like this keep getting churned out is a problem, as they are only created to make money- not to stimulate their audience, not to inspire imagination; just make a profit from people who don't mind.

 

I also am beyond confused as to who the target audience for this film was. "The Emoji Movie" was marketed towards kids in an age bracket that don't even use smart phone or emojis as they are too young to have a phone or are too young to read, it wasn't accepted among tweens and teens because the humor was too flat and the story too uninteresting to peak their interest, and as for adults while they are aware of what emojis are and have probably used them before, the story and humor is so low brow and uninspired it's no better than a marathon of mind-numbing children's cartoons found on Nick or Disney Jr., though even they are more original and try to serve a purpose in teaching kids something. I'm also confused as to what the writers were thinking when they were writing this film. I can't help but feel they weren't even connected to the story or technology they were writing about. With "Wreck It Ralph" you could tell whoever worked on that movie actually had some knowledge about video games, and had enough heart to suggest that they were also fans of games, which connected them to their audience. I never got that vibe with this film. I felt like the studio was trying too hard to be relatable and they missed the mark. Just because they reference popular apps like Twitter, Instagram, Candy Crush and others doesn't mean they relate to the people who access those apps.    

 

As I said, there is nothing more I can add to what has already been said by others in regards to this critical disaster disguised as a movie. But again, I wish that more audience members would be more apt to speak up against these types of brain drain media, but only time will tell.  I implore that others take their turns to voice their opinions of blandness like this.