Adventures with Japanese Horror: Ginuea Pig movies

 

Hello again, guys and ghouls. 

I hope you're all faring well during our current year of hell. We're officially past the halfway point, so now as we're slipping into a new season and potentially into oblivion, we can slow down officially now that the spring and summer season are fading into fall and winter. 

And since we're heading into fall you know what that means- Halloween. And of course Halloween means a lot of us are going to be watching more scary, spooky, creepy and ooky flicks. It comes with the territory- what better way to experience fear and horror from the safety of our homes than on our TV screens? Okay, and obviously I'm not referring to the real horror and fear on the news every day; this is a chance for us to distance ourselves from the actual real atrocities we are living through and venture into and come out of some temporarily threatening situations in a fictional reality and be totally A-OK because ultimately it's just a scary movie. 

I know it's still really early for Halloween, and I know I have been focusing on some spooky and disturbing movies for the past few months anyway. If I'm being completely honest I haven't really stopped trying to push myself into watching more and more disturbing films- I guess it's my new way of coping with the crippling existential dread that 2020 has given a lot of us. But I was thinking, why not start listing some stuff early? Why not share some interesting or gross titles with you guys before the big day so you have plenty of time to decide which movies to add to your Halloween-movie-marathon list? Anyway, that's the goal I'm going for here. 

So first we're going to focus on some great horror from Japan. I don't know if any of you have ever seen any Japanese horror or thriller movies, but honestly, they're probably some of my favorite horror flicks- they are more cerebral and foreboding than American horror, I would say. While American horror focuses on a lot of startling tactics, utilizing score and jump scares, Japanese horror tends to be more quiet, more reserved, and it always builds up to it's peak of fear instead of smacking the audience in the face with effects or surprises. 

Some of the most notable Japanese horror movies would definitely be Ju-On and Ringu; both titles have a fair amount of sequels and both of which have been adopted and remade in America as The Grudge and The Ring or Rings. The Death Note movies were also choice- the ones that actually came from Japan and not the one Netflix spat out to us a few years ago (for those of you who haven't seen it, don't. It's a waste of time). These flicks are really great, and I'm honestly a huge fan of  each of them and highly recommend checking them out, but there are so many more extremely creepy and disturbing films from the Land of the Rising Sun that more people should know about. Today, we're going to be talking about some pretty extreme titles- specifically, The Guinea Pig movies. 

**Warning! Warning! You are now entering the part of the blog that discusses potentially triggering topics such as mutilation, bodily fluids, torture, abduction, mental illness, etc. If any of these topics will cause you to stress out, have a panic attack or whatever, maybe consider not reading further. If you keep reading, hey- you've been warned. Don't at me. 

The Guinea Pig movies (ギニーピッグ, Ginī Piggu) are a series of films that came out in Japan in the 80's and early 90's. They all feature different stories, all of which are dark, twisted, and disturbing. If you're thinking that these movies involve adorable, cuddly rodents you are clearly reading the wrong blog and need to turn back now. The movies in this series call themselves "Guinea Pig" as their subject matter, production, and special effects are all of a purely experimental fashion. These movies are pretty intense in terms of gore- if you have a hard time stomaching a lot of violence and blood effects, these are some films you probably would have a hard time with. 

The Guinea Pig movie series has 6 movies in total- one title in particular has earned itself a cult following, which we will talk about later, but others don't seem to be as well-known, at least from what I've seen in my research and viewing. 

Years later, the Guinea Pig series would be picked up and essentially added-onto by the film production company Unearthed Films, where they released American Guinea Pig. I haven't watched any of these, and currently I'm not in a huge rush to watch them. Call me an elitist or a hipster, but I'm more interested in the original batch. 

For this blog, I've watched 5 of the films, one of which I couldn't find a good version of, so hopefully one day I'll finish the whole catalog, but as of right now we'll go with the 5 I did see. So strap yourselves in, kids. We're going to deep-dive into some of the most intense horror from the Land of the Rising Sun... 

The Devil's Experiment

The Devil's Experiment is the first in the series and honestly, I found it to be the most simultaneously boring, and jacked up of the films in the series, if that makes any sense. Essentially the film just focuses on some group of guys who have abducted a woman and they torture her a whole lot for, from what I could tell, unknown reasons. They spend the first like, 4 minutes of the movie slapping her. Most of the slaps looked thankfully like prat-slaps, so they didn't appear to actually connect with her face from the angle it was shot in. But later the camera changes angles and I'm pretty sure a few of the slaps actually connected with her cheek, and that bugged me a lot. Later they put her in a swivel chair and just spin her around and around until she vomits and passes out, which in watching it I was thinking sarcastically, "...Wow... that's some hardcore torture, fellas..." but the more I put myself in her shoes the less sarcastic I got about it. Then there's a period where they put some headphones on her head and play loud, ear-drum wrecking noises, and again, that was simultaneously disturbing and also boring because eventually, my mind tapped out and got more wrapped up in a game on my cellphone than watching something awful like that. Eventually it ramps up to them straight up inserting needles in her eyes, and that's where the movie got me freaking out. And eventually, from what I could tell, they just leave her for dead in the forest. That's it- that's the movie. 

This one was definitely the weakest film in terms of production quality, though how they pulled off those eye-effects is still a dang mystery to me- but this one like I said, was simultaneously dull and disturbing in my opinion (*note* I almost put "in my eyes", but I figured it was too soon...). If you want to challenge yourself, this is flick will definitely be just that, but honestly I didn't think this was all that great for many reasons, so don't beat yourself up if you decide to skip it. 

Flower of Flesh and Blood

Well well well- here we go with probably the most notorious of the films in the Guinea Pig series, Flower of Flesh and Blood.  This film is probably the most prolific in the series and as mentioned at the beginning of this blog, it has garnered a bit of a cult following among horror fans. Here's a fun bit of trivia for you- allegedly, once Charlie Sheen happened upon this movie, watched it, and was absolutely convinced this was a real-life snuff film, so he contacted the FBI to look into it. Oh boy, friends, we're in for a treat. 

Flowers of Flesh and Blood (ギニーピッグ2 血肉の華, Ginī Piggu 2: Chiniku no Hana) was directed by the legendary horror mangaka (manga artist) Hideshi Hino and focuses on a woman who one night gets abducted off of the street by some wacko who is dressed like a samurai. Samurai-guy then takes her to what I'm assuming is is home and proceeds to drug her, dismember her, ultimately murder her- all the while marveling over how beautiful the human body is when it's bleeding and getting chopped up. Then, for the finale we get a little tour and are shown what he does with the fun trophies he gets from his victims. Seriously, if you were expecting more of a story here, you'll be sadly let down- not many of these films are heavy in the story department, as they're usually only 40 minutes long.  But what this film lacks in overt storyline, it really made up for with its notoriety. The film was pretty much black listed because of its extreme depiction of gore, and is also allegedly influenced serial killer Tsutomu Miyazaki, who is known as the Otaku Killer. Isn't that fun, you guys? 

In terms of effects, some of them are disturbingly good- and a couple of them are seen in other movies in this series. Luckily though, they're not too good, because there are a few times were you can just tell the things on screen are fake, so hopefully none of you brave souls who end up watching this movie will think it's real. Just remember kids- it's all just a movie, it's all just a movie... 

Flower of Flesh and Blood is one that I find pretty scary, just because on of my biggest fears is getting abducted off the street and tortured, so in terms of a horror movie it does deliver a fright factor. This is also a fun film to challenge yourself with, or even see how far you and a group of friends can get into it. It's pretty intense, like we've discussed, but in terms of Japanese horror and gore, this is definitely a heavy hitter that has to be experienced at some point. 

He Never Dies

He Never Dies, or Shudder! The Man Who Never Dies (ギニーピッグ3 戦慄! 死なない男, Ginī Piggu 3: Senritsu! Shinanai Otoko) is probably my favorite film in this series. It honestly has a more dark-comedic tone than the other movies on the list, and while it does have some pretty gross imagery it's not that great, and there are a couple times in the movie you see some effect snafus. Basically, this film follows a Japanese guy who is fairly miserable- he has a rough time at work, possibly has insomnia and doesn't seem to have a whole lot of friends or anything. So one day, he's had enough and decides to commit suicide. After he has cut his wrists, he notices that no matter how much he bleeds out, he's not dying. So he tries to speed up the process, and does more extreme stuff to himself that should do that job, but he just won't die. Eventually, he chops himself up to the point he's just a goofy talking head on a coffee table- the end! 

Once you learn that the guy can't kill himself, the movie becomes increasingly predictable, but honestly in conjunction with the other movies in the series, this is a welcomed thing. He Never Dies doesn't take itself too seriously, and is well aware of it's gross-goofy plot and utilizes it well. It almost reminded me of a slightly more bloody version of Death Becomes Her, but much shorter and without any major conflict aside from his undiscovered indestructibility. This one is gross, and potentially triggering, so if you think you would be bothered with scenes of attempted suicide, steer clear of this one. But if you can handle it definitely check this one out- it was kind of fun. 

Android of Notre Dame

The copy of Android of Notre Dame (ギニーピッグ ノートルダムのアンドロイド, Ginī Piggu: Nōtorudamu no Andoroido) I found honestly didn't have the best subtitles, so I found myself lost to what was happening in the story because my Japanese isn't that strong. But it did seem like one I would probably like if I knew what the hell was being said. 

Essentially, from what I could tell, there's this scientist guy who is a little person, and he has a sister that seems like she's got consumption, and he is conducting experiments to try and revive corpses so he can be ready to bring his sister back if she dies- this part of the story seemed more like Frankenstein to me than anything in relation to The Hunchback of Notre Dame. The scientist guy does mention it, but the subtitles didn't actually show what he was saying in regards to it so I have no idea how it fits in with the overall story. Anyway, there's this other guy who is like, blackmailing the scientist guy or something, and he shows up to the scientist guys's house, gets his legs chopped off in a booby trap, and eventually kind of ends up like the guy from He Never Dies where he's essentially a talking head on a table. But then these experiments are done on him for... reasons... And eventually the scientist dude's sister dies, and he revives her, but then she gets mad at him for taking away from being at peace, and then she just dies again, and... that's about it. I think. Again, I'm not super sure. 

This one had a more classical horror feel to it- thanks to the whole mad scientist character and calling back to Frankenstein, as mentioned. I want to see if I can find another copy of this with better subtitles- this one did have some gore, especially in the scenes where he's attempting to revive corpses, but otherwise it seemed more story-driven than a lot of the other movies in the series. 

Mermaid in a Manhole

This is, oddly enough, probably one of my other favorite entries in this series. Mermaid in a Manhole (ギニーピッグ マンホールの中の人魚, Ginī Piggu: Manhōru no Naka no Ningyo) is the only other film in this series that was directed by Hideshi Hino himself. Also, I'm sure you noticed that this graphic and the graphic for Android of Notre Dame both are listed as being "Film #4"- fun fact, there has been some debate as to where this movie falls in the series, whether it's film 4 or 5. For the sake of the blog, I'm making the graphic say it's #4, and counting it via entry as #5. But I digress- moving on. 

This film tells the story of a painter who likes to spend time in the sewers near his house. One day he finds an actual mermaid in the sewer, and decides to sketch her. Soon however, the mermaid starts developing pustules on her body that cause her a lot of pain, so the painter decides to take her to his home and put her in a bathtub so he can finish painting her. The sores continue to spread, however, and soon start rupturing with multi-colored pus, which the artist uses to finish his painting. 

I'm personally a fan of Dr. Pimple Popper, so seeing cysts and whatnot expressed is one of my favorite things ever (yes, I'm one of those people), so I can't say I was personally bothered by the pus too much, but I know for some people that could be a little gross. There's also a pretty decent twist ending in this one, which kind of leaves you guessing- if you're a fan of that kind of thing this is definitely one to check out.  Also, while you do spend most of the film following around the artist and the mermaid, the story also gets punctuated by interactions with the artist's neighbors. They add a little bit of levity and clarity to an otherwise insane story, so I really appreciated the scenes with them. This one is pretty gross for sure, but I, personally, will probably re-watch it this Halloween. 

While watching these movies, I found a fun little making-of documentary that really took away some of the abject horror of some of the grosser scenes, but also really made me appreciate the actual work and artistry that went into making the movies. Maybe if you're curious but a bit on the squeamish side this could be worth checking out instead of the actual movies, but I feel like without seeing the movies first you wouldn't really get a lot of what's going on or being explained and displayed. 

Well guys and ghouls, that does it for the first part of the Adventures with Japanese Horror series. Next I'll be diving into and talking about some of my personal favorite Japanese horror films. These are scary, a little bit gross, but a lot less disgusting as the Guinea Pig series. I hope you found something enjoyable in this blog that is chronicling my slow descent into cinematic madness, and hopefully I've shared some titles with you that you would have never heard about otherwise. 

Take care everyone and I'll see you all again soon! 

Brain Breakers #2- MIDDLEWEIGHT Category

Things are getting fun now, everyone...!

Alright, so in this newest installment of the Brain Breakers film-viewing series we're diving into the Middleweight category. The films featured here are of a higher quality than the films we explored in the Lightweight category; they have more cinematic and critical merit but also have clout in terms of their reputations. These films, while some are more known than others, are worth taking note of for various reasons, be it the plot, their contribution to cinema as an art form or their ability to challenge the viewer to think outside the box in terms of what is considered humorous, deep, or riviting. Also, they're pretty fun to show to friends to see their reactions- you know; for kicks. Now, on to the films!

First on this list is probably the more well-known film in this category and that is David Lynch's surreal horror classic Eraserhead. Now, in choosing the films in this category I was looking for films that could evoke a certain reaction from the viewer, and that would be one of shock, disgust, possibly fear and a feeling of "...wtf?"  And while Eraserhead fits ALL of those criteria I would say that this film is honestly so much more than all of that. For anyone who knows anything about film and film history, they can tell you that this flick has influenced cinema in some really impressive ways and honestly deserves a blog all on it's own just to cover everything. I didn't want to go in too deep on all of that in this blog, however, because it would literally dominate the entire post and leave little room to discuss the other two films. Just know going into this blog that Eraserhead has a lot of history and information attached to it. Moving on.

The story follows Henry (Jack Nance), a quiet man who one day unexpectedly finds himself thrown into marriage and fatherhood. That's pretty exciting, right? Wrong-o, my friends. The movie starts off with Henry going to visit his sweetheart Mary, who he hasn't seen in a while. After having an incredibly awkward and horrific dinner with his baby-mama's family (bleeding, moving, miniature

Henry spending time with his... baby.

poultry anyone?), and an even more uncomfortable interrogation from Mary's mother we learn that Henry and Mary had been intimate at some point in the past, thus blessing them with a baby. However, we also learn that the baby is "premature" according to Mary's mother, while Mary; who is clearly distressed- is quick to say that doctors aren't sure what's "wrong" with the baby. Mary's mother states that the two must be married immediately, and that night Mary and the baby spend the night at Henry's tiny apartment.

We learn quickly that there is  indeed something very wrong with the baby- it's deformed, resembling some form of an animal. It refuses to eat and it cries incessantly which leads Mary to have a mental breakdown and she leaves the baby in the care of its father.

Now, that's probably the clearest I can describe the plot, but that is leaving a LOT out. It doesn't cover much of what transpires in the film. But let's be real- this is a David Lynch movie; there's ALWAYS a lot going on. If you're not aware of who David Lynch is or his directing style he's notorious for using strange imagery and abstract visuals or intensely odd acting to lead his films forward all of which Eraserhead is LOADED with. I haven't discussed the Man in the Planet, The Girl Who Lives Behind The Radiator, the very strong male-potency imagery and the giant worms/sperm that make appearances through the rest of the movie. Seriously- this flick is wild and very unsettling in the things you will see. I really feel like I'm rushing this part of the blog, but really there's no way to describe much of what this movie covers without taking up a huge chunk of space- this is something that really should be witnessed so you can draw your own conclusions. This is a film that will really make you think while it's creeping you out completely- if that sounds like something you want to challenge yourself with, Honey, this is a flick for you.

Next on our list is an animated film known as Felidae which is based on a book of the same name. This film comes from Germany, and is to date one of the most expensive animated films to be made there. This film is probably the most deceptive movie in this category because the animation is really well done and resembles something that could have easily been put out by the likes of animation studios like Ambelin or Warner Brothers in terms of artistic style. An animated movie featuring talking animals; kitty cats in particular? How can that be deceptive? My response: heh, lol.

Felidae is a movie that is narrated by the main character, Francis, a cat who is moving into a new neighborhood with his owner. Upon arriving in his new home, Francis goes exploring around the house and finds his way outside. There he sees a rough-looking cat who is intently looking at something in the back yard. As he approaches the strange cat, Francis notices what the other is checking out- there is a third cat on the lawn; however this one is lying dead, its throat clearly slashed. We're only a few minutes into this movie and we've already got gruesome animated-cat murder on our hands! Buckle up, fam- this ride is about to get bumpy.  As more and more cats turn up brutally murdered in the neighborhood it's up to Francis to figure out what connects all of the murders in time to save lives before the murderer can strike again.

Francis discussing clues with a lead.

Felidae, despite being an animated movie about cats, is actually a really gritty, brutal and gruesome who-done-it style slasher mystery. While it is highly upsetting in terms of gore on the screen, the story remains intriguing and while there are some odd dream sequences that can be rather horrific and off-putting at times, this movie is a really good  murder mystery. Francis the cat, as you learn, is actually incredibly perceptive and has an eye for solving crimes. He's basically what the Great Mouse Detective wishes he could be.

This movie never got a release in the US- possibly due to it's graphic scenes of murder, harm to animated animals, sex, ritualistic cult suicide and animal vivisection. Yes- all of those things are in this film. However, the film, which was released in 1994, was distributed on VHS and Laserdisc; the latter of which featured an English dub, which was ripped and eventually found its way onto YouTube. As of right now this is the only place (at least that I'm aware of) that you can find the film in it's English-dubbed entirety. Obviously, this movie comes with a disclaimer- if you have a hard time watching those ASPCA commercials, this movie is definitely going to jack you up. Having said that, I myself am an animal lover, and while the scenes of horrible things happening to animated cats IS highly disturbing and hard to watch it really does add to the story; it makes solving the crime more urgent and imperative- something that off-screen death could never accomplish. And while it is really hard to see that stuff, it totally drags you into this twisted story and will leave a lasting impression on you for better or worse. Honestly, if you think you can stomach it, I highly recommend this film, especially if you like (literal) cat-and-mouse crime stories and race-against-the-clock mystery.

Okay guys- time to lighten this list up a tiny bit. The last movie in the Middleweight category is a movie that I only recently learned about (thanks again, May from Nyx Fears!) and I effing LOVE IT. It's a dark horror-comedy called The Greasy Strangler and it is, as of right now, one of the most quirky, awkward, gross and hilarious movies I've seen in a long time. The way I would describe this movie would be if Taika Waititi's Eagle vs. Shark had a love child with Napoleon Dynamite, and that child grew up on a steady diet of cheesy crime shows, porn and oil. Let's dig in, shall we?

Big Ronnie and Big Braydon leading
a disco tour. 

The Greasy Strangler follows father Big Ronnie and his son Big Braydon. Braydon and Ronnie live together and have a disco tour that Big Ronnie leads. One day after a tour, Braydon meets a woman by the name of Janet. The two quickly start a relationship that leads to Ronnie getting jealous of the pair. Ronnie, we learn, has a horrible secret- he's a serial killer who is called The Greasy Strangler. Before he commits a murder he covers himself with grease and then goes on the prowl for his victims.

As the story progresses, both father and son become fond of Janet, and they eventually compete with one another over her.

The plot on it's own sounds really odd, but I'll tell you, when you factor in the ridiculously strange soundtrack, the quirky humor, the ridiculous sex scenes and over the top full frontal nudity (I'm honestly not sure if the genitalia is fake or not...), you have all of the ingredients for an extremely weird dark comedy that will leave you asking "...seriously, what the hell did I just watch...?" I don't want to give away too much of the story, gags, kills or anything because they really are good for a laugh if dark comedy is your thing. Seriously- it's so awkward it's worth watching just to see how weird it gets. And it gets weird- it's beautifully weird and cringy and I love it.



Well friends, that concludes this portion of the Brain Breaker series. Next up is the really concerning titles. We're moving into the Heavyweight category and I'm going to be real- I'm a little nervous as to what I'm getting myself into on this one, fam. But I've come this far- there's no going back now.

As I mentioned in the previous entry, I did have to make some substitutions for films in this category. I couldn't find Pink Flamingos anywhere, so that will be substituted with a film called Into the Void. However, a A BIG thank you needs to go out to a friend of mine who found a copy of Visitor Q-  I almost had to substitute that one out, which made me sad because I hear this one is especially brutal but the day was saved. Thank you, movie friend! Your contribution is highly appreciated- you know who you are! The other film I'll be watching is Antichrist; from what I understand this one is gonna leave a mark.

Anyway, that's all for now. Thank you all so much for reading and I'll see you on the other side of this mental-torture. Pray for me.

Brain Breakers- #1- LIGHTWEIGHT movies

Oh boy, that was fun.

Well everyone, I've officially finished the first round of films in the Brain Breaker Series and I will say that these films are definitely a nice numbing agent to aid the mental beating I'm going to be taking thought all of this. Way to start things off on the right foot!

As mentioned in my previous post, I'm splitting all of the films I'm watching; 9 in all- into 3 categories in terms of viewing-harshness. They're broken down into Lightweight, Middleweight and Heavyweight, and as the title of this entry suggests, I just wrapped up the Lightweight category. The movies I lumped into this category are notorious for being low budget, weird, and hilarious in the fact that they are so bad. All of these films have been talked about at length from many other film critics, but they still are pretty interesting and really should be watched at some point- especially if you love so-bad-they're-good movies. Now, I will do my best to not give up any spoilers, but honestly, even if I were to divulge the entire plot of any of these films it wouldn't ruin any bit of the ridiculousness they feature.

Alright-let's get this show started!

 The first on the list was Manos: The Hands of Fate. This film has been hilariously riffed by the likes of MST3K and RiffTrax, and for VERY good reason. Of all of the films I watched in this group it is by far the worst. Having said that, it's still worth checking out.

The film follows a very white bread family who gets lost on a random road, and they find their way to a secluded mansion that is guarded by a pervy gimp named Torgo, who announces that he guards the establishment while "The Master" is away. Eventually you find out that "The Master" is a mustachioed cult leader who has far too many wives, and he wants to punish Torgo and the family for happening upon his pad by way of summoning the vengence of Manos, their weird god-deity-demon-thing.


This film is a train-wreck from start to finish. The dialog in the film is clearly dubbed (and not well), scenes are slow and drag on, you can see a clapper board at one point- it's a good study into what a film should NOT be. But at the same time, the fact that this movie is so off-the-wall bad has cemented it in cinematic history. The film has become a cult classic thanks to the laughable dialog, plot, and cinematic choices the director made.

The main family, consisting of the husband/father Michael, the wife/mother Margaret and the annoyingly useless plot-device daughter Debbie are the literal worst. Michael is basically a walking stereotype for alpha-male WASPs everywhere. This dude refuses to get directions, gets his family lost, and then essentially bullies Torgo into letting his family crash at a place that is in no way a motel, B&B or anything similar, and that's just in the first few scenes of the movie; he never gets any better through the rest of this mess. Margaret is also the worst because she lets her husband push her around through everything when she is clearly the closest thing this movie has in terms of a voice of reason. Debbie, as mentioned is just a plot device. She wanders off randomly which leads her family to have to try and find her, thus getting them further embroiled in all of the wacky cult shenanigans they are trying to stay out of. The whole plot around The Master is one of mystery to me- and by "mystery" I mean I either missed his back story while watching the film or they just decided he didn't need much in way of character development. He's the boogie-man of the film though they try REALLY hard to make the "god" Manos the big baddie but honestly, none of the villains in the movie are all that menacing. The closest thing to menacing in the movie is a portrait of The Master and his doberman that the film really likes to focus on. And I mean there is a good chunk of the movie where the camera rests on the picture while the characters are having a conversation in the background.

The Master's many wives are also ridiculous. You find out that they are suspended in some kind of living-death state between cult rituals, and when all of the wives wake up, literally the first thing they do is sit around a fire and bicker with each other about what to do with the family while The Master just sits off to the side looking like he is a whipped husband wishing he were anywhere else but there. Eventually the wives get into what appears to be a choreographed cat fight scene and it was honestly my favorite part of the movie.

And those things don't even touch on a majority of the nuttiness "Manos" has to offer. Seriously, it's a dumb flick from start to finish, but is worth watching if for no other reason than seeing a cult movie classic.

Next on the list is "Death Bed: The Bed That Eats". This film was made in 1977 and has a very interesting history. The film was written, produced and directed by a guy by the name of George Barry and was the only film he ever made. When the film was completed, Barry naturally wanted to release it theatrically, but was unable to find anyone willing to do that. Later on, there was a company interested in distributing the film on VHS; a tape was made, but the distributor wanted Barry to put ending credits on the film before it could be released. Ultimately, Barry had to decline because he couldn't afford the $3,000 it would have taken to add credits, so the tape was returned to him. However, somehow a pirated copy of the VHS was released in the United Kingdom and Barry had literally no clue that had happened. Over time, the VHS found its way to New Zealand, Spain, and Australia as well.

Barry remained in the dark about all of this until 2001 when he stumbled on a forum post about the film that had been written by a French film journalist. Eventually the film did receive a theatrical release in 2003, and was put on DVD the same year. And as of 2013 it was even released on Blu-ray.

The film follows multiple people over the span of a few different decades (maybe even centuries- I'm not sure) and their encounters with a demonic bed that, you guessed it, eats people. The movie has a narrator- the ghost of one of the bed's victims, who is now trapped behind a painting in the room in which the bed is kept. Why is he trapped there? Not even he knows. What's the ghost's name? Not a clue- he's only credited as "The Artist"- so we'll just call him Artie for the sake of the blog. Anyway, we learn through Artie's narration that the bed itself was created by a wind demon who wanted to seduce some random human girl for... reasons. So apparently in the middle of their romantic trist, the girl died so the demon cried tears of blood that were absorbed by the bed, thus bringing it to life, and ever since then the bed is insatiably hungry, so it eats whoever lies in it. That's it- that's basically the whole story. Granted, you don't find out any of the bed's back story until at least 30 minutes into the movie. And all of it is through Artie's delightfully British narration. All. Of. It. Even a majority of dialog from the characters that are in a scene are either composed of internal monolog or is spoken when you can't actually see the character's mouth; either their head will be turned so you can't see their mouth move, or they just dub it over the actor as their delivering their lines but sometimes it doesn't sync up properly.

This film was wild- wildly confusing but also wildly hilarious! The movie breaks down each portion of the film into meals- like the beginning of the film is called "Breakfast", then there's of course "Lunch" and "Dinner" and let me tell you- the further into the "feast" you get, the more insane the story becomes. By the time I got got "The Just Desserts" I was dying of laughter. This flick is definitely worth checking out. Out of all of the movies in this group, this was by far my favorite and the one I would suggest the most. I recommend all of them, but if you were to only watch one, hopefully this is it.

And finally I watched a modern so-bad-it's-good classic, Neil Breen's "Double Down".  Originally I had planned to do the seminal Breen classic "Fateful Findings", but his movies are notoriously hard to find and acquire- luckily I found "Double Down" in its place.

Now, for those of you who don't know who Neil Breen is he is an architect and prior real estate agent turned indie film maker who has been getting a lot of attention on the internet over the past few years due to his insanely weird and hard to follow movies.

Breen has been compared to the likes of other so-bad-they're-good film directors like Tommy Wisseau, the creator of the infamous film "The Room" (another movie you should definitely check out). Wisseau has been called the Orson Wells of bad movies; and if Wisseau is Orson Wells, Breen is definitely the David Lynch of bad movies- without a doubt in my mind. When interviewed about his films and a lot of the really weird, random, and confusing things featured in all of them, Breen loves to say that things in his films are "metaphors" that are up to the viewers to decide what they mean. And he literally says this about all of his films. And apparently all of his films (at least the ones that I've seen) are some really confusing and random metaphors! "Double Down" is no exception.

The movie stars Breen himself as... You know what, I don't even remember his character's name. Honestly, I think his character's name is only mentioned maybe a maximum number of 3 times in the film, and I feel like that's being generous. So yeah- it doesn't matter what his character's name is. All you need to know is he is a super amazing computer-hacking, government-overturning, philanthropic military-trained super mercenary who is literally the best at everything he does ever, yet he completely fails at everything in the movie. Seriously- all he does is have conversations with the apparent ghosts of his parents and fiance while running through the desert screaming about who knows what. He lives in his car out in the desert and he lives off of canned tuna. Seriously- that's all he eats and he has the empty cans to prove it. He uses old satellite dishes, old broken laptops and clamshell phones to create some kind of super weapon that kills people with some sort of invisible barrier, and he carries super deadly powder that he uses to kill fish in a lake and at one point he rubs this super deadly powder on a "target" and tells the viewers of the film that the powder "kills on contact" and his victim "will be dead in 5 minutes". Seriously- that's a line in the movie. And then the only real mission he gets in the film he epically fails at- words cannot fully describe what is witnessed in this dumpster fire.

There is so much going on in this movie, yet in looking back at it nothing actually happened. And even though nothing happened, I have SO many questions about the things featured in this movie. Honestly, even if I took the time to type out every question I have about this movie in this blog, I don't think I would ever run out of questions. The questions would breed more questions and eventually I would have a full blown W.T.F. hydra that there would be no way to slay.


In conclusion, these films were bad, but they were definitely the sweet numbing agent my mind will need as we move into the next category. The films featured in this post are harmless in terms of weirdness. All of these films are written, produced and directed by each of their respective creators, and they are clearly something that could be considered passion projects to those who made them. But even though the creators were definitely passionate about their feature films, clearly their intention didn't quite hit the level of fruition other movies have experienced. And really the cause behind that could is probably varied but ultimately, there's a lot of credit due to each of these directors because they had a dream and made it happen; and that's something that I think we can all appreciate.

Well fam, that's all for this round. I'll see you again soon with more brain-breaking films.

"Bernie" Movie Review

Anyone who knows me knows I am a sucker for true-crime TV shows. Things like "Snapped", "Dateline", "20/20"- I love watching all of them. And every once in a while I do enjoy watching a movie that is based on true crimes. "Bernie" is one such film. 

"Bernie" is a film directed by Richard Linklater that focuses on a true murder story from east Texas. The movie tells the story of Bernie Tiede- a talented, well-liked and pleasant mortician who works in a funeral home in Carthage, Texas. He befriends the crotchety grand dame of the town named Marjorie Nugent, and he ends up becoming her live-in travel buddy as well as her business manager. Things eventually become tense between the two and Bernie ends up shooting the 81 year old woman and hides her body in a chest freezer for 9 months before anyone catches on. Tiede confesses to the murder in 1996, but oddly enough the town of Carthage rallies behind him rather than condemning him for the murder. The trial had to be moved to another county in order to be received by an unbiased jury, and Tiede was later found guilty of murder and was convinced in 1999.

Tiede was not only a well-liked mortician, but he
was also active in everything from doing obituaries over the radio,
helping his church, and being active in local
theater. [Found on Google Images]

Jack Black stars as the title role, and is supported by Shirley MacLaine as Mrs. Nugent and Matthew McConaughey  as district attorney Danny Buck Davidson, who helps bring Bernie to justice. The film is a dark comedy; honestly, with such a strange true story it couldn't be anything else in my opinion. Linklater brings humor and levity to grim subject matter with ease, as all of his leads have perfect comedic timing. 


Linklater also not only relies on a strong leading cast, but he also uses a lot of people who either portray or are actual citizens of Carthage, Texas. They act almost like a Greek chorus by helping tell the audience more information about the characters and the story at hand, but they also add a fair amount of laughs and good Southern charm to the story. While the performances of the leads are solid enough on their own, the townspeople add great jokes and laughs with their gossipy input. 

Nugent and Tiede on vacation [Found on Google Images]

For anyone who has ever lived in a small town, you know just how much information you can get about what's going on in town through the grapevine and that has not escaped Linklater. Using the townspeople to put their two cents in not only added  a lot of humor but it also blends in a richness and relatability that can only be found in small town gossip. I also really love the idea that local people could be a part of a film that lets them tell the world about a strange story from their home. It's brilliantly done in a way that doesn't demean the people of Carthage, but it actually helps make them seem all the more charming. 

Side-by-side of the real Bernie and Marjorie vs. their
Hollywood counterparts.
[Found on Google Images]

Another thing that really impressed me with the film was the attention to the relationship that is formed between Nugent and Tiede; how it starts off innocently enough, and eventually becomes emotionally and psychologically draining for both people. You can really see why someone who is kind-hearted and sweet-spirited could snap thanks to the constant psychological pressure and eventual mental torture put upon them from someone they genuinely care about. Jack Black, who is known for his off-the-wall comedic acting really does a solid job as a sympathetic victim of circumstance. It's also very impressive on how much focus went into making each of the characters look like their real-life counterparts. That alone is highly commendable and is fun to see.


The film was released in 2012 and was well received by critics and audiences alike. The film was shot on a modest $6,000,000 budget and made back $10.1 million respectively. The film also garnered enough publicity that it has also played a role in getting the real Bernie Tiede released from prison for a short while, however he we sent back in April of this year.

 McConaughey as the ever-vigilant Danny Buck
[Found on Google Images]

 

I highly recommend this film; not only is is hilarious, and truly interesting on so many levels but it really showcases the serious acting chops of not just the leads, but it's entire cast. The film is insanely enjoyable and well worth the watch. 

The Plague Dogs Movie Review

"The Plague Dogs" is a film based on the Richard Adams book of the same name, that was directed by Martin Rosen and released back in 1982. Adams and Rosen previously worked together to make the animated film version of "Watership Down," which was based on another of Adams' novels. And for those who know what "Watership Down" is, you should have an idea of what to expect in this movie. However, if you are unaware of "Watership Down," you must know that "The Plague Dogs" is an animated film that is bleak and depressing, but also very well done and has one hell of a tale to tell. 

"The Plague Dogs" tackles different subject matter, ranging from vivisection and animal testing, to mental illness, survival, as well as a hard look at the concept of freedom. The movie tells the story of Rowf, a large black mutt (played by Christopher Benjamin) who is kept in an animal testing facility, and is constantly subjected to tests involving being drowned in a large pool of water over, and over, and over again. Because of this, he has developed a loathing and distrust of humans, as well as a deep fear of water. His friend Snitter (played by John Hurt) is a sweet and well-meaning fox terrier who, unlike Rowf, has known the love of humans as he once had a "Master". However, after a tragic accident involving his owner, he ended up in the custody of a animal testing laboratory and has undergone experiments and surgeries on his brain. Due to the experiments, he has visions of prior memories that interact with his present, as well as other psychological and neurological issues as a result of the testing. One night, the dogs break free from the lab and try to live off of the land as wild animals in the English countryside. This proves to be much harder than they originally thought, however, as neither dog is very good at hunting or foraging for food.  Along the way they are joined by The Tod (James Bolam), a fox who is willing to teach them how to be proper wild animals, while at the same time using their naivety to his own advantage. Eventually, local farmers start noticing that their sheep are being savagely killed and eaten, and start trying to hunt the dogs down. However, they soon catch wind that the animals have come from a nearby testing facility and there is a slight chance they have been exposed to, and are carrying the Black Plague. This leads to an all out 'dog-hunt' by the farmers, the scientists from the lab, as well as the British military. By the end of the film, the dogs try and escape being captured by fleeing to the sea and trying to swim to safety, but their outcome is very ambiguous. 

The film itself received modest success in theaters and would later have a small release on VHS; only 8,000 copies of the tape were made. The film can be found on DVD, though in the United States, we only have access to a edited version of the original film. The theatrical release originally ran for 103 minutes, so all we get today is around 86 minutes. Many of the scenes scrapped from the theatrical film were simply to cut down run time. However, there is a scene that was taken from the book and transplanted in the movie that never made it to American audiences because it was so shocking. However, if you reside in Australia or the UK you can easily purchase an uncut version of the film. The original theatrical film has also been uploaded to sites like YouTube, that are well worth looking into; especially if you want to see the full film as it was originally intended.

Our heroes try to avoid being caputured. [found on Google Images]

The movie itself is well animated; it was all done by hand without any aide from computers or rotoscoping. That doesn't sound like much, but once you see how the characters move and interact, it is clearly impressive too see the amount of detail the animators put into this film. Also, the background art successfully adds to the dreary tone of the story without detracting from the action of the film's characters. Both are well balanced to make a solid animated film. 

The acting in this film is also note-worthy. Benjamin and Hurt really give great performances as their characters, as they make you really connect and feel for the dogs' plights. Also, The Tod (my favorite character) adds a bit of levity to this otherwise heavy story. Also, The Tod speaks in a Georgie accent, which is really fun to hear. Speaking of Geordie accents, a lot of the accents in this film are accurate for the areas of the UK the film takes place in. If your not familiar with any other British accents aside from RP (Recieved Pronouciation) you're either in for a treat or bound to be a little confused by what's being said.

Also, as an animal rights activist, I am really moved by how accurately they depict the horrors of animal testing and vivisection but also they are able to display all of the effects of such terrible tests on animals without jumping down the viewers' throats about it or pointing out the obvious. Conveying such powerful fear and pain through the characters' experiences makes a deeper and more lasting impact that continues to haunt the audience after the film is over.

While the the atrocities of animal testing are explored in the movie, as well as the concept of survival, I feel like the underlying theme in this story is all about freedom, and what really makes one free. All through the first act of the film Snitter and Rowf just want to escape the lab 

(rightfully so) so they can achieve freedom outside in the world. But once they're there, their freedom is questionable as they are slaves to circumstance. Eventually, the heroes of the story 

are left without any option for survival, and have to make a decision that could either lead to momentary freedom in the world, or the ultimate freedom that could be experienced in death. Of course, this is just what I see in the film. Another beautiful quality of this film is the creators really leave the audience to draw their own conclusions and parallels which is always the sign of a well thought-out story. 

Having said all that, this film; while it is animated, is NOT for children, and may even be a little hard for some adults to handle. If you've ever seen the animated version of "Watership Down" you will know that neither Richard Adams or Martin Rosen pull any punches when it comes to grim reality. If you have trouble seeing animals being tested upon and harmed, this film is gonna be hard to swallow. Also, if you have a sensitivity to animated blood and violence, this movie may also be a little outside of your realm of comfort. As you may have noticed, I have added very few images to this review. This is partially because of the graphic nature of some of the images I could find, but it's also to not spoil the wonderful art of this film. I will say that if you choose to brave it, and are willing to give the film a chance, it is rewarding and well worth it. Though the film is very sad, it is very meaningful and really amazing to watch. It is a film that leaves a lasting impression on the audience and delivers a well thought-out story that is worth hearing/seeing.

"Rubber" Movie Review

Those who know me know I appreciate some pretty strange films. I am a huge fan of terror-bad movies like The Room or Birdemic: Shock and Terror, and I also really like more obscure movies that are brilliant in their weirdness. Rubber is one such film. 

The horror genre has given us some really interesting and strange killers over the years. For example, there's Jason Vorhees, a disfigured mama's boy who keeps coming back from the dead to kill teens. Freddy Kreuger; a vengeful spirit of a man burned alive who dispatches his victims in their dreams. Chuckie from the Child's Play franchise is a killer doll,  and there are plenty of other movies involving weird antagonists. There are killer leprechauns, sharks, snakes, clowns, tomatoes, and even birds to name a few. But Rubber introduces it's audience to a killer tire. Yep, you read that right. The film follows this tire on his journey of gaining sentience, and also gaining telekinetic powers. 

As the tire (credited as Robert) is transitioning from a discarded piece of junk to a psychic executioner, there is a group of spectators on a hillside watching the events unfold through binoculars in almost a Greek chorus fashion. There's also a sheriff who wants the movie to end, so he sets out trying to stop the tire from continuing his rampage. 

In essence, this is a pretty silly movie, but the premise is all pretty much based on having no reason. In fact, the sherriff has a whole speech in the beginning of the movie highlighting that sentiment. This movie is fairly basic in premise and production, but I feel that it doesn't really take anything away from the film. If anything, it just makes it more odd and endearing. The film was shot on a $500,000 budget and was directed by the French Dr. Oizo (aka Quentin Depieux) back in 2010. The film was originally shown at the Cannes Film Festival's Critic's Week and then was distributed on DVD from Magnet Releasing. 

The movie is really hard to explain- but it's more of a film you have to experience to be able to draw your own conclusions, as it's a film that will affect different people in different ways. As a fan of the ridiculous, I really enjoyed this absurd little movie. If you want to try something a little out of the norm or potentially artsy, this film is worth checking out. 

"Ratchet & Clank" Movie Review

PlayStation has created some really incredible games over the years, but this year they are trying something different and diving into the world of cinema with their new feature-length film version of their wildly popular game of the same name; "Ratchet & Clank".

The story is set in a far away galaxy where we are introduced to Ratchet, a lombax who is working as a mechanic on a planet that looks a bit like Tatooine from "Star Wars". He dreams of joining the Galactic Rangers, a group of heroic crime fighters who keep their neck of the universe safe. Lately, there have been reports of whole planets being destroyed, so the Rangers are tasked with finding who is behind it as well as finding someone new to join their ranks. Ratchet, who then meets up with a small "defect" robot he named Clank, join forces and are then inducted into the Rangers and move forward with helping save the galaxy.

The Galactic Rangers [found on Google Images]

This film was released along side the new Ratchet & Clank game for the PS4, and both are retellings of the story from the first Ratchet & Clank game. While I never actually played the game as a kid, I heard it was pretty awesome; one of PlayStation's best. Having said that, they probably should have stuck with the game release and kept it at that. While the film wasn't horrible it just was pretty... meh. The animation was alright, the story was mediocre, and the characters didn't really bring anything new or original to really set this film apart from other movies with the same narrative. Ratchet is the A-typical wide-eyed dreamer who wants to do great things and go on adventures; Clank is a brilliant sidekick and is a great straight-man  for Ratchet, but wasn't much of a stand alone character. The villainous Chairman Drek who is behind the exploding planets plot is pretty one dimensional, as is his partner in crime Doctor Nefarious. The Rangers were pretty bland, too; there was the typical smart tech girl who no one takes seriously, the angry girl with attitude, the guy who likes to just shoot things, and the leader Captain Qwark is pretty much just Zap Brannigan sans velour.

There were a few jokes in the film that worked; one involving a Wilhelm Scream and a few old-school pop culture references, but other than that the humor and story were clearly directed to more of a kid crowd. There were also a few PlayStation in-jokes that fans of the console and games should be able to spot.

Qwark, Ratchet and Clank [found on Google Images]

Having said that, there were some things I thought really worked for the movie; mainly the superb voice work. I was really impressed with the film's cast; they not only had some big name actors involved (Paul Giamatti, John Goodman, Sylvester Stallone, Rosario Dawson), but a few of the voice actors from the original games (James Arnold Taylor, David Kaye, Jim Ward) played their characters in the movie, which I thought was really cool. It's always good to get actors and actresses with name recognition, but it's also really great when these phenomenal voice actors who normally aren't known to the same degree as their Hollywood counterparts get some actual recognition. Everyone was really on point with who their characters were, their personalities, and their motivations- it was spot on. There were a couple of times the lips clearly didn't sync with the words, but the voice work is good enough to almost let it slip. Almost.

Dr. Nefarious and Chairman Drek (below)
are the team of villains our heros must face.
[found on Google Images]

Ultimately, this movie was aggressively mediocre at best; it probably would have been a just-as-great movie on Cartoon Network or Nickelodeon or even just go straight to DVD. From what I know of the game the story line of the movie was pretty much identical to it, which is nice that they kept to the source material; we all know how that's normally not the case for video game movies. This film is arguably better than the likes of "Super Mario Bros.", "Bloodrayne" and other horrid movies of the same genre, but it's still not the blockbuster video game film everyone has been waiting for. "Ratchet & Clank" was an okay movie that super fans of the franchise or younger kids will probably enjoy, but at best I can't help but feel this is something parents can play on "Uncle T.V." to keep their kids occupied for 90 minutes. PlayStation, this was a noble attempt and an earnest first try. I'll be waiting for a film version of "God of War" in the meantime.

Ratchet & Clank [found on Google Images]

"Strange Magic" Movie Review

For my next couple of reviews I'm going to pay attention to one of the greatest playwrights and poets of all time; William Shakespeare. His words have transcended not only the ages, but also into different parts of our classic and contemporary culture. It's no surprise that The Bard's works would eventually wind up on the Silver Screen either in faithful adaptation or as inspiration for other stories to flourish. "Strange Magic" is one such story that is roughly based on "A Midsummer Night's Dream".

"Strange Magic" was originally a story George Lucas came up with as a romantic girl-friendly version of Star Wars for his daughters. The film itself is a Shakespearean-inspired fairy tale that is also a musical, with all of its songs being made up of different pop and classic rock songs. Think "A Knight's Tale" with added enchantment. Back in 2012 when Lucas sold Lucas Film LTD to Disney, his animation studio was included in the deal. "Strange Magic" was in the middle of production, so Disney also inherited the movie.

The film opens up with a little prologue introducing the land the story will be taking place in. There's the Fairy Kingdom, and The Dark Forest; both are separated by a line of primroses that grow along the borders of the two lands. The leader of the Dark Forest, The Bog King (played by the amazing Alan Cumming), routinely orders the destruction of the primroses as they are a key ingredient needed to make love potions and love is something he detests. In his quest to snuff out love, he has also taken the Sugar Plum Fairy (Kristen Chenoweth) prisoner, as she is the only one who can make love potions.

We're then introduced to the main character of the story, the fairy princess Marianne (voiced by Evan Rachel Wood) who is engaged to be married to a fairy knight Roland (Sam Palladio).

Marianne [found on Google Images]

After Marianne discovers her knight in shining armor isn't who she thought he was, she calls off the wedding and rejects the idea of finding love and turns her focus to being independent and self reliant, while at the same time trying to keep her younger boy-crazy sister Dawn (Meredith Anne Bull) from making the same mistake she had made when it came to love. Dawn's best friend Sunny (Elijah Kelly) is an elf, who is in unrequited love with her, gets tricked by Roland into going into the Bog King's lair and getting a love potion from the Sugar Plum Fairy. The Bog King finds out a love potion was created and was smuggled out of his lair and into the Fairy Kingdom, and he goes to hunt it down, and in the process kidnaps Dawn and holds her ransom until the potion is returned to him. This leads Marianne, Sunny, and Roland and others on a mission to bring back Dawn, but in true "A Midsummer Night's Dream" fashion, hi jinx involving a misplaced love potion arise and add extra chaos to the quest.



It was released in January 2015 from Touchstone Pictures and the film did not do well at the box office and received lukewarm response from audiences and critics alike. While the main focus of the film is love, many felt that this film had little to no heart. All of the romantic tropes presented in the story line really aren't fully explored and in some cases they become more like

Dawn defending the Bog King [found on
Google Images]

stereotypes; which is a missed opportunity because the characters and the story did indeed have a lot of potential. Also, a lot of movie goers weren't too thrilled with the music in the film; all of the songs were covers of different famous songs such as Mistreated, C'mon Marianne, Three Little Birds, etc, and many said that the songs' arrangements were lacking in originality. On top of all of that, this type of story has been done to death in cinema and it really doesn't bring anything new to the playing field that sets it apart from similar stories. All of these complaints are valid; but I do feel there are some really good points to this film that are actually worth checking out.

I feel that while this movie really is a pretty simple love story and an even simpler fairy tale, it's no where near as terrible as a lot of critics make it sound. The animation, for one, is absolutely beautiful. As with any George Lucas movie or story, the world he creates is not only simple in concept (light and dark) but it's really rich and interesting to look at while the characters traverse through it. The character designs are also pretty impressive; while the fairy characters are the most visually grabbing due to their pretty colors, the movie also plays around with cool, psychedelic wing tricks from the characters which is well worth checking out alone, if just for the sake of seeing interesting animation. Also, the best design, character and performance award all goes to the Bog King. Visually, he is so unappealing he's appealing; you can tell the animation team really went to great lengths for coming up with his design. Also, Alan Cumming

not only brings a hard and harsh air to the character, but he also adds a complexity to him that's pretty fun to watch; and as an added bonus, the man can sing and he probably has the best lines in the movie. While the rest of the characters are pretty fun, hands down, I think the Bog King is the best in the film. If anything, you should check out the film just for him. Also, I thought the songs were rather enjoyable. They were a bit like Glee musical numbers, but I don't think that's a bad thing, as the songs add a little more storytelling to the film, in true musical fashion. 

In final prospective, I would give "Strange Magic" a 3.5/5 rating; while it's really not the most original story we've heard before, it's still worth looking into. While it's no where near the level of "Shrek", "Beauty and the Beast" or even "A Midsummer Night's Dream" for that matter, it's also still not bad enough to be lumped together with horrid animated films like"Delgo", "Norm of the North", "Chicken Little", or "Mars Needs Moms". THOSE movies have a special place in animated movie hell. At worst "Strange Magic" could be in limbo.