"Nine Lives" Movie Review

Well... This movie certainly did not land on it's feet. 

"Nine Lives" is a family film that unluckily hit theaters the same weekend as "Suicide Squad", which is undeniably one of the most anticipated movies of the summer if not the year. And while critics and some fans have not been kind to "Suicide Squad" in their reviews and ratings, they have definitely been harder on this film. But is "Nine Lives" really deserving of such low ratings? In a way, yes. 

"Nine Lives" tells the story of Tom Brand (played by Kevin Spacey), the billionaire businessman who owns "FireBrand"- some nondescript company that buys things, and builds things, but that's all we really know about it. And FireBrand's big schtick all through the movie is they want to build the world's largest building. Which is one heck of a goal, because apparently people want to throw money at the business that has the biggest building. However, some

Mr. Brand and his daughter Rebecca discussing
birthday gifts. [Found on Google Images]

company in Chicago is constructing a building that is 60 feet taller than the FireBrand building, and that is just the worst thing ever I guess. So, Brand's sleazy right-hand-man Ian (Mark Consuelos) refuses to tell Brand about the height differential, which is "no big deal" to him. 

Then, we are introduced to Tom's wife Lara (Jennifer Garner) and his daughter Rebecca (Malina Weissman) who are moping around the house about how Tom is never home. Actually, Lara is the only one moping over it. Rebecca is just the most optimistic and cheerful Mary-Sue character I've seen since the original film version of "Annie". Anyway, it's the day before Rebecca's 11th birthday, so Lara is pressing Tom to get her something nice, but all Rebecca wants is a cat. Tom hates cats, so he tries really hard not to get one for her, but finally concedes. He goes to this random hole-in-the-wall pet shop called "Purrkins Petshop" run by the eccentric Christopher Walken. Actually, the character's name is Felix Perkins, but really, it's just Christopher Walken in a pet shop. So, Christopher Walken gets Tom to take a fluffy cat named "Mister FuzzyPants" (because of course that's his name), and as Tom is leaving the shop, Walken turns to his horde of cats and says "Let's do this," suggesting that he and the cats have something magical up their sleeves. Boy, are we on the road to disappointment. 

So before he goes back to his home with Mister FuzzyPants for his daughter's birthday, he swings back by the FireBrand building because while at "Purrkin's", he caught a glimpse of a news anchor doing a story about how the Chicago tower is taller than his, so he pulls Ian up on the roof of the building with him and the cat in a rain storm and proceeds to yell at Ian about how he's a failure, and how he's fired, and blah blah blah. Then lightning hits the roof, blowing Tom and Mister Fuzzypants off the side of the building, and Ian just watches Tom and the cat dangle from the side of the building but doesn't want to help them, since he was about to get fired and all. It's amazing how getting fired can change people's minds about letting people fall off buildings. When they eventually fall, however, they crash through a window before they hit the ground.  When Tom wakes up, he sees his body being loaded up on a stretcher, but then he

Perkins (Christopher Walken) talking to
Mister Fuzzypants [Found on Google Images]

realizes he's trapped in Fuzzypants' body, to which his response is, "...Really?". Christopher Walken tracks him down and tells him that in order to be a man again, he has one week to reconnect with his family, or he'll be trapped in the cat's body forever. Oh yeah- Christopher Walken talks to cats in this movie, FYI. 


Normally, I just write a little summary of the plot, and then I move right along with my thoughts on the movie. But for this movie, I felt it was important to explain all of that nonsense, which is what this flick is made up of. This movie was not only painfully predictable, but it is so full of plot holes any rational person can't make it through this film without asking a minimum of 3 questions. The movie literally made no attempt at explaining how Tom becomes a cat, or how Christopher Walken can talk to cats, or what the hell Lara sees in her husband to begin with, or why Tom is so obsessed with his fancy building or anything. At the beginning of the movie we're introduced to Tom by way of showing him and his adult son in a plane getting ready to go sky diving on his way to a press junket. Tom isn't a professional sky diver, or extreme sportsman. In the interior of FireBrand you see panels on a wall with pictures of Tom playing golf and other things, but it's never mentioned if he's an avid sportsman, or if his company could possibly sell sporting equipment, but it never says for sure. So really, not only was the story introducing us to the main character, but also to an endless string of McGuffins that this movie is loaded with. 

"Nine Lives" follows the tired plot of "overworked dad must become an animal to become more human" which has been done to death, even by talking animal movie standards. In pacing, plot and predictability this film is right on par with the 2005 remake of "The Shaggy Dog" starring Tim Allen, which was also a remake of the original 1960's classic of the same name. And I say

Jennifer Garner trying to get her keys from Fuzzypants
[Found on Google Images]

that film is a classic because not only did it come out during the Golden Age of live-action Disney films, it was also one of the first movies to capitalize on the fore mentioned theme before it got ridiculously overused. The movie makes it a point to show the audience how "Tom isn't involved with his family", when really, aside from working too much, he seemed to have really good chemistry with his daughter, son, and wife. Sure he could be a little curmudgeonly about certain things, but what parent or working adult can say they've never been cranky, or overworked, or stressed out and acted out from that?  

And in regards to the cat and the cat humor, even that wasn't very good. During the opening credits there are a ton of phone-shot cat videos but none of them are particularly funny. And don't get me wrong- I am a fan of internet cat videos. But if you're going to take the time to show funny cat videos, actually show funny cat videos. I'm telling you, a little "Shock Kitten" or "Ninja Cat" would go a long way. For the most part, I will give it to them, the cat animation was fairly good, especially since the film didn't come from a major movie studio, but there were a few scenes were the animation left a little to be desired. For example, there was one scene in particular that was supposed to be heartwarming that involved Mister Fuzzypants and Rebecca dancing as they were reconnecting, but honestly, the cat's movements were super awkward, and the look he gave his daughter during the scene with his kitty-cat eyes was

Some of the animation in this film was great. Some
was not....
[Found on Google Images]

a little bit creepy. However, I do have to give the movie kudos on one thing; when Tom becomes a cat, he is a man trapped in a cat's body. I know that idea has been incorporated into every "human-to-animal" movie, but this one actually plays it straight- a man trapped in a cat's body. Let's look back to "The Shaggy Dog"- in that film, after Tim Allen became a dog, he would also inherit the dog's tendencies and animal nature even in his human body; tennis balls would be super interesting, growling at people who angered him was an appropriate expression of disapproval, and chasing a cat is a top priority. However, in this film, Tom is not interested with anything cat related. He's disgusted by cat food, he isn't interested in cat toys, can't land on his feet, and is still into manly things like drinking scotch (Yes. There is a scene where a cat drinks scotch). 



I also can't help but feel that another thing that works against this film is its misuse of Kevin Spacey. The majority of Spacey's screen time isn't actually spent on screen. Instead, he's a voice that's imposed over Mister Fuzzypants, but while this is a talking cat movie, there aren't any moving animated mouths; it's all very much like Garfeild but less humorous. While Spacey does deliver a lot of chuckle-worthy jokes (especially at the expense of his ex-wife), on the

CGI Fuzzypants sharing a dance with Rebecca
[Found on Google Images]

whole, a lot of the jokes are just weak. I can't help but feel that this movie underutilized what is essentially one of the strongest actors in Hollywood. Spacey is without a doubt a heavy-weight in the world of film. This also isn't his first foray into animation; in 1998 he played Hopper in Pixar's "A Bug's Life", and while this wasn't one of Pixar's most-loved films, many people can agree that Spacey brought a lot of weight and character into his role. This film, while earnest, just didn't have too much in the way of interesting characters, even when faced with something exciting; like being turned into a cat, for example. 

And moving on to the cast, really I have to give whoever did the casting in this film a big round of applause for even landing Kevin Spacey for this. He was definitely the highest caliber actor they had in the cast. Jennifer Garner honestly has had better performances, but this felt like she just said yes to get a paycheck. I mean with this film, "Miracles from Heaven" and a multitude of Garnier commercials under her belt, this literally had to just be a pad-the-wallet job. And as for Christopher Walken, I'm pretty sure he just wandered onto set and started playing along with the cast. But on the other hand, this film has a pretty good roster for Internet and App-famous cats. For example, there's Hamilton the Hipster Cat, Lil Bub AND Talking Tom gets screen time and film credits. Talking Tom. Let that sink in for a minute. 

Talking Tom (above) gets actual screen credit in this film... Really??
But seeing Lil Bub (below) on screen was cool, so there's that I guess...
[Found on Google Images]

Honestly, this whole movie felt a lot like a made-for-TV Hallmark movie, and frankly, Europacorp probably would have saved a lot of time and money just making the film that way. But was it really horrible? Well, I've seen worse movies, like "The Shaggy Dog" remake that I am honestly shocked has a higher rating on Rotten Tomatoes- that movie was awful for so many reasons. This movie, while not the best, was at least an earnest attempt at making a fun family movie. And I'm probably being too harsh of a judge, because the other members of the audience were busting a gut and enjoying themselves. Ultimately, this type of movie doesn't appeal to me, clearly. But if you do enjoy movies like this, who knows- you may just fall in love with it. This film was harmless as far as movies go, but it doesn't make a huge attempt to do anything new for the genre, but rather plays it really safe. This film did have a few highlights, but ultimately it all fell a little short.  

"The Secret Life of Pets" Review

Baxter and I about to go on a bike ride

 

Anyone who knows me knows I love all of my pets. Especially, not to pick favorites; my dog Baxter. I adopted him about 3 years ago and we have been the best of friends ever since. The bond Baxter and I have is just like any loving pet parent and their fur/scale/feather companions- there's something special about owning a pet that just can't be explained. On one hand, it's extremely fascinating for members of completely different species to form bonds with one another as very few creatures are capable of such a feat when left to their own devices, but also there's just so much love that can be felt with our pets that is a very different type of love than the type we build with other people in our lives.


As a pet lover, I was very excited to see this film thanks to its clever and numerous advertisements that perfectly seemed to celebrate not only the bond between owner and pet, but also have fun with the thought "Just what does my pet do when I'm not around?" After what seemed like forever I finally saw the movie and I wasn't disappointed.

I wasn't exactly blown away, but I wasn't disappointed. 

"The Secret Life of Pets" is the new animated film from Illumination Animation and it tells the story of a spoiled terrier mix named Max who lives in New York City with his loving owner Katie. One day Katie brings home a new dog from the pound named Duke and the two dogs automatically start bickering over food, living space, and of course Katie's attention. However, the two pets accidentally wind up getting lost and captured by animal control, but soon they are busted out by the adorable and insane bunny Snowball who is the leader of The Flushed Pets- a group of animals who for one reason or another, have been abandoned by their owners. At the same time, Max's pomeranian neighbor Gidget is desperate to find him, so she teams up with other pets in their neighborhood to track him down and bring him safely home. 

Duke and Max are introduced (above)
- and they aren't too thrilled about it (below)
[Found on Google Images]

This movie lands some pretty solid pet jokes that had me chuckling throughout, and I really liked the upbeat and colorful animation that Illumination is known for. I loved all of the banter between the different animals in the movie and I really was impressed with how they kept the focus not on the owners, but the pets- where the story needed to be. I was also very impressed with how the animation team

and the director were able to tap into the minds and mannerisms that our pets exhibit- from playing with their toys, to being excited when their owners come home, and their interest in chasing butterflies. All of these factors paired with a great cast of some of my favorite comedians (Louis C.K., Jenny Slate, Dana Carvey, Eric Stonestreet, etc.), and a story that does have a lot of humor and heart behind it made for an enjoyable film, but unfortunately it wasn't as great as I envisioned it being.

Fat-cat Chloe has her eyes on a tasty prize
[Found on Google Images]

This movie was cute and entertaining but it wasn't all that much to shake a stick at story-wise. The concept of the movie has been done a thousand times- Character A is living an ideal life until Character B is introduced and upsets Character A's world. After a series of unfortunate events, Character A and B must put aside their differences and work together to get out of their current situation and become friends by the end of the story. Ultimately, it didn't really bring anything new to the table. In regards to certain scenes, especially the scenes that dove deeper into Duke's character as well as the characters of The Flushed Pets; it would have been nice to have a little more focus on why and how they became the way they are during the present. They explored it with Duke more so than the Flushed Pets, but  I feel that had they delved deeper into his past it would have made a more lasting impression with movie goers.

Max enjoying chewing Katie's shoes [Found on Google Images]

 Also, there was a VERY odd scene that literally comes right out of no where and really took me out of the film for a while. If you've seen the movie you'll know EXACTLY the scene I'm talking about, and if you haven't seen it yet consider yourself warned- you'll know it when you see it. It was odd, jarring, has nothing to do with the plot or the progression of the movie and is literally never referred to again. I was reminded of a scene from the movie "All Dogs Go To Heaven" in which a giant musical alligator performs a song-and-splash number that is also never brought up again in the film and has almost nothing to do with the story. I say 'almost' because it does serve as a plot device to aid in the eventual destruction of the villain in that film, but this scene doesn't even do that. It was so beyond anything I was expecting and I'm still not sure why this was even incorporated into the final product- it seems like something that would be much more at home in the "Deleted Scenes" menu on the DVD.  

Snowball has Max and Duke go through "Initiation" to join the Flushed Pets
[Found on Google Images]

But really, I feel like I'm nit-picking a pretty good movie by pointing those minor things out. While the movie wasn't anything that I haven't seen before, it was still very enjoyable and is probably one of the better animated films I've seen so far this year. While "The Secret Life of Pets" is no "Zootopia", it is miles ahead of bland movies like "Ratchet & Clank". 

So ultimately, the film is definitely worth checking out. While it probably won't be the most memorable animated film as the years go by, it is definitely a film that lives in the moment and can bring a smile to everyone's face- much like our beloved pets do. 

The love between pet and owner [Found on Google Images]