"Nine Lives" Movie Review

Well... This movie certainly did not land on it's feet. 

"Nine Lives" is a family film that unluckily hit theaters the same weekend as "Suicide Squad", which is undeniably one of the most anticipated movies of the summer if not the year. And while critics and some fans have not been kind to "Suicide Squad" in their reviews and ratings, they have definitely been harder on this film. But is "Nine Lives" really deserving of such low ratings? In a way, yes. 

"Nine Lives" tells the story of Tom Brand (played by Kevin Spacey), the billionaire businessman who owns "FireBrand"- some nondescript company that buys things, and builds things, but that's all we really know about it. And FireBrand's big schtick all through the movie is they want to build the world's largest building. Which is one heck of a goal, because apparently people want to throw money at the business that has the biggest building. However, some

Mr. Brand and his daughter Rebecca discussing
birthday gifts. [Found on Google Images]

company in Chicago is constructing a building that is 60 feet taller than the FireBrand building, and that is just the worst thing ever I guess. So, Brand's sleazy right-hand-man Ian (Mark Consuelos) refuses to tell Brand about the height differential, which is "no big deal" to him. 

Then, we are introduced to Tom's wife Lara (Jennifer Garner) and his daughter Rebecca (Malina Weissman) who are moping around the house about how Tom is never home. Actually, Lara is the only one moping over it. Rebecca is just the most optimistic and cheerful Mary-Sue character I've seen since the original film version of "Annie". Anyway, it's the day before Rebecca's 11th birthday, so Lara is pressing Tom to get her something nice, but all Rebecca wants is a cat. Tom hates cats, so he tries really hard not to get one for her, but finally concedes. He goes to this random hole-in-the-wall pet shop called "Purrkins Petshop" run by the eccentric Christopher Walken. Actually, the character's name is Felix Perkins, but really, it's just Christopher Walken in a pet shop. So, Christopher Walken gets Tom to take a fluffy cat named "Mister FuzzyPants" (because of course that's his name), and as Tom is leaving the shop, Walken turns to his horde of cats and says "Let's do this," suggesting that he and the cats have something magical up their sleeves. Boy, are we on the road to disappointment. 

So before he goes back to his home with Mister FuzzyPants for his daughter's birthday, he swings back by the FireBrand building because while at "Purrkin's", he caught a glimpse of a news anchor doing a story about how the Chicago tower is taller than his, so he pulls Ian up on the roof of the building with him and the cat in a rain storm and proceeds to yell at Ian about how he's a failure, and how he's fired, and blah blah blah. Then lightning hits the roof, blowing Tom and Mister Fuzzypants off the side of the building, and Ian just watches Tom and the cat dangle from the side of the building but doesn't want to help them, since he was about to get fired and all. It's amazing how getting fired can change people's minds about letting people fall off buildings. When they eventually fall, however, they crash through a window before they hit the ground.  When Tom wakes up, he sees his body being loaded up on a stretcher, but then he

Perkins (Christopher Walken) talking to
Mister Fuzzypants [Found on Google Images]

realizes he's trapped in Fuzzypants' body, to which his response is, "...Really?". Christopher Walken tracks him down and tells him that in order to be a man again, he has one week to reconnect with his family, or he'll be trapped in the cat's body forever. Oh yeah- Christopher Walken talks to cats in this movie, FYI. 


Normally, I just write a little summary of the plot, and then I move right along with my thoughts on the movie. But for this movie, I felt it was important to explain all of that nonsense, which is what this flick is made up of. This movie was not only painfully predictable, but it is so full of plot holes any rational person can't make it through this film without asking a minimum of 3 questions. The movie literally made no attempt at explaining how Tom becomes a cat, or how Christopher Walken can talk to cats, or what the hell Lara sees in her husband to begin with, or why Tom is so obsessed with his fancy building or anything. At the beginning of the movie we're introduced to Tom by way of showing him and his adult son in a plane getting ready to go sky diving on his way to a press junket. Tom isn't a professional sky diver, or extreme sportsman. In the interior of FireBrand you see panels on a wall with pictures of Tom playing golf and other things, but it's never mentioned if he's an avid sportsman, or if his company could possibly sell sporting equipment, but it never says for sure. So really, not only was the story introducing us to the main character, but also to an endless string of McGuffins that this movie is loaded with. 

"Nine Lives" follows the tired plot of "overworked dad must become an animal to become more human" which has been done to death, even by talking animal movie standards. In pacing, plot and predictability this film is right on par with the 2005 remake of "The Shaggy Dog" starring Tim Allen, which was also a remake of the original 1960's classic of the same name. And I say

Jennifer Garner trying to get her keys from Fuzzypants
[Found on Google Images]

that film is a classic because not only did it come out during the Golden Age of live-action Disney films, it was also one of the first movies to capitalize on the fore mentioned theme before it got ridiculously overused. The movie makes it a point to show the audience how "Tom isn't involved with his family", when really, aside from working too much, he seemed to have really good chemistry with his daughter, son, and wife. Sure he could be a little curmudgeonly about certain things, but what parent or working adult can say they've never been cranky, or overworked, or stressed out and acted out from that?  

And in regards to the cat and the cat humor, even that wasn't very good. During the opening credits there are a ton of phone-shot cat videos but none of them are particularly funny. And don't get me wrong- I am a fan of internet cat videos. But if you're going to take the time to show funny cat videos, actually show funny cat videos. I'm telling you, a little "Shock Kitten" or "Ninja Cat" would go a long way. For the most part, I will give it to them, the cat animation was fairly good, especially since the film didn't come from a major movie studio, but there were a few scenes were the animation left a little to be desired. For example, there was one scene in particular that was supposed to be heartwarming that involved Mister Fuzzypants and Rebecca dancing as they were reconnecting, but honestly, the cat's movements were super awkward, and the look he gave his daughter during the scene with his kitty-cat eyes was

Some of the animation in this film was great. Some
was not....
[Found on Google Images]

a little bit creepy. However, I do have to give the movie kudos on one thing; when Tom becomes a cat, he is a man trapped in a cat's body. I know that idea has been incorporated into every "human-to-animal" movie, but this one actually plays it straight- a man trapped in a cat's body. Let's look back to "The Shaggy Dog"- in that film, after Tim Allen became a dog, he would also inherit the dog's tendencies and animal nature even in his human body; tennis balls would be super interesting, growling at people who angered him was an appropriate expression of disapproval, and chasing a cat is a top priority. However, in this film, Tom is not interested with anything cat related. He's disgusted by cat food, he isn't interested in cat toys, can't land on his feet, and is still into manly things like drinking scotch (Yes. There is a scene where a cat drinks scotch). 



I also can't help but feel that another thing that works against this film is its misuse of Kevin Spacey. The majority of Spacey's screen time isn't actually spent on screen. Instead, he's a voice that's imposed over Mister Fuzzypants, but while this is a talking cat movie, there aren't any moving animated mouths; it's all very much like Garfeild but less humorous. While Spacey does deliver a lot of chuckle-worthy jokes (especially at the expense of his ex-wife), on the

CGI Fuzzypants sharing a dance with Rebecca
[Found on Google Images]

whole, a lot of the jokes are just weak. I can't help but feel that this movie underutilized what is essentially one of the strongest actors in Hollywood. Spacey is without a doubt a heavy-weight in the world of film. This also isn't his first foray into animation; in 1998 he played Hopper in Pixar's "A Bug's Life", and while this wasn't one of Pixar's most-loved films, many people can agree that Spacey brought a lot of weight and character into his role. This film, while earnest, just didn't have too much in the way of interesting characters, even when faced with something exciting; like being turned into a cat, for example. 

And moving on to the cast, really I have to give whoever did the casting in this film a big round of applause for even landing Kevin Spacey for this. He was definitely the highest caliber actor they had in the cast. Jennifer Garner honestly has had better performances, but this felt like she just said yes to get a paycheck. I mean with this film, "Miracles from Heaven" and a multitude of Garnier commercials under her belt, this literally had to just be a pad-the-wallet job. And as for Christopher Walken, I'm pretty sure he just wandered onto set and started playing along with the cast. But on the other hand, this film has a pretty good roster for Internet and App-famous cats. For example, there's Hamilton the Hipster Cat, Lil Bub AND Talking Tom gets screen time and film credits. Talking Tom. Let that sink in for a minute. 

Talking Tom (above) gets actual screen credit in this film... Really??
But seeing Lil Bub (below) on screen was cool, so there's that I guess...
[Found on Google Images]

Honestly, this whole movie felt a lot like a made-for-TV Hallmark movie, and frankly, Europacorp probably would have saved a lot of time and money just making the film that way. But was it really horrible? Well, I've seen worse movies, like "The Shaggy Dog" remake that I am honestly shocked has a higher rating on Rotten Tomatoes- that movie was awful for so many reasons. This movie, while not the best, was at least an earnest attempt at making a fun family movie. And I'm probably being too harsh of a judge, because the other members of the audience were busting a gut and enjoying themselves. Ultimately, this type of movie doesn't appeal to me, clearly. But if you do enjoy movies like this, who knows- you may just fall in love with it. This film was harmless as far as movies go, but it doesn't make a huge attempt to do anything new for the genre, but rather plays it really safe. This film did have a few highlights, but ultimately it all fell a little short.